I talk about sex regularly on Bulletproof Radio because the energy, connection and humanity that’s a part of sexual wellness improves our lives. So does the fun factor.
In this episode, credentialed sexologist Alexandra Fine talks with me about the pleasure gap and ways to close it. After earning her master’s in Clinical Psychology with a concentration in sex therapy from Columbia University, she decided to focus her passion and expertise on the world of sex tech.
Alex and mechanical engineer Janet Lieberman co-founded Dame Products. These are innovative tools and resources for adult sexual well-being: solo play, couples or polyamorous if that’s your preference. Dame’s first product, Eva, became the most crowdfunded sex toy in history. Its second product, Fin, was the first sex toy allowed on Kickstarter.
“We are women designing products that predominantly help people just like us have more fulfilling lives,” Alex said about getting the Fin on Kickstarter. “This isn’t about prurient behavior. This isn’t about being lewd or crude. This is about living a healthy life.”
Beyond the obvious physical fun, Dame’s meticulously engineered vibrators designed to do three specific things:
- start necessary conversations,
- listen rather than assume, and
- create products that enhance intimacy.
Within five years of its launch, Dame earned critical and popular acclaim, as well as praise in international media, including the New York Times, Forbes, Wired, Vice, BBC and the Today Show. Fast Company recognized Dame as one of the “most innovative wellness companies of 2020,” and Well+Good named Dame a “2020 changemaker.”
Listen on to learn more about how shame-free sex and well-designed sex toys can contribute to your overall health and energy.
More Sexual Health: My recent Sexual Energy Series spanned six episodes #787 to #792 featuring experts ranging from sexual fantasies to women’s health to the evolution of the penis. I’ve also covered tantric sex, orgasms, the psychology of sex and more with other guests through the years.
Enjoy! And get more resources at Dave.Asprey/podcasts.
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Follow Along with the Transcript
- Why did you go in the direction of tech with all the things you could have done given the knowledge you have? – 3:08
- You’ve done some pretty crazy stuff. You’re on the Forbes 30 Under 30, you were the first sex toy allowed on Kickstarter, which is a really hard thing to do. – 5:11
- I think some of us have our absolute worst experiences in a sexual space, as well as some of our most profound and beautiful experiences in an erotic consciousness. – 7:37
- What’s the role of solo play or masturbation when you’re looking, okay, transcendent traumatic? – 9:54
- There’s this constant idea that like, oh, am I broken? 70% of women need control stimulation. People feel this feeling of like, oh my God, it’s not just me when I tell them that figure. – 17:26
- Do you think cancel culture has negatively affected people’s sex lives? – 18:05
- You documented something called a Pleasure Gap. – 21:28
- This is our flagship product. It’s called Eva. It’s a hands-free control vibrator that you can wear during sex. – 23:16
- We launched it on Indiegogo in 2014, we raised $575,000 in 45 days.
- I’m pregnant, I’m very excited to learn about all my flaws through my child. I think they’ll be the best therapist I ever had. – 29:32
- Sex toys, while you’re pregnant? Pros, cons? – 30:35
- Sex isn’t something we need to do to stay alive, but it is something we certainly do to feel alive. – 33:19
- If you can’t have sex or intercourse, you can’t have penetration after some surgery or something that opens up a whole world of creativity for you and your partner. – 38:00
- I do think that the category is changing. You can find our products in Urban Outfitters, Free People. We sell on Goop, Revolve. – 44:07
- I think turning it on and doing the dishes is a great idea. I highly recommend it. I think it’s a really fun way to just incorporate to teasing and play throughout the day. – 46:21
- Are people just super open about their experiences with it? Or do you do surveys? – 47:01
- It’s just amazing when you just ask a question and you’re not shameful about it. How people are like, “Oh yeah, I guess I can also say clitoris.” And then we’re both just saying clitoris and it’s fine. – 49:21
- If you’re continuously doing kegel exercises, you can just be working on tightening your pelvic floor muscles. And it’s really important to learn how to loosen your pelvic floor muscles as well. – 50:53
- Up for a couple of questions from our Upgrade Collective members. Okay. Diane, you want to come on and ask your upgrade question? – 54:38
- You want to ask that one, Brandon?
I know that your device, it was about clitoral stimulation and there are different types of orgasms what do you think about those different types? – 58:25
- Over 50% of people already use vibrators, so that is mainstream and it’s sex. It’s literally how we all exist. So it’s mainstream. It’s wild that something so foundational to our is considered so taboo to even discuss. – 1:06:02
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