Using Love and Logic to Raise Resilient Kids – Dr. Charles Fay with Dave Asprey – #832

Three things parents can do to focus on relationship, reconnect with their kids and skip the helicopter parenting.

How would you like to make parenting fun and rewarding, instead of stressful and chaotic? (And if you’re a grown-up son or daughter, you may want to improve your own relationship with your parents.}

In this episode of Bulletproof Radio, Charles Fay, Ph.D., gives practical and down-to-earth solutions to the most common and frustrating behaviors displayed by kids of all ages. He’s also a parent himself who admittedly makes mistakes. Parents can be frustrating, too.

The internationally recognized Love and Logic® approach he relies on come directly from years of research and clinical experience with severely disturbed youth and their families in psychiatric hospitals, public and private schools, and homes.

You’ll learn strategies and techniques from Dr. Fay that you can apply to daily parenting. This works for teachers and educators, too.

There are the 5 non-negotiable core principles of Love and Logic® that he talks through during the podcast. These can absolutely change your family dynamic.

  • Mutual Dignity/Respect
  • Shared Thinking
  • Shared Control
  • Empathy
  • Relationship

Dr. Fay also gives real-time action steps for implementing key components of resiliency: 1) emotional connection, 2) healthy limits, and 3) success experiences.

We talk about the emergence of “helicopter parenting” and why it doesn’t work. “We got to be able to offload problems onto the shoulders of the people who really need to own them, and we do it with love, but we do our friends, our family no favor when we’re solving all their problems for them,” Dr. Charles says.

If you’re struggling, either a little or a lot, with the kids you parent or teach, you’ll get a lot of value out of this episode. If you want simple ways to better connect with your kids, you’ll get some nuggets of wisdom you can start using today.

Go to the Love and Logic Institute to find a wealth of resources for parents, educators and trainers. In particular, look for “7 Ways To Create A Respectful, Responsible, and Resilient Family” that was created in partnership with Dr. Daniel Amen.

Enjoy! And get more resources at Dave.Asprey/podcasts.
Got a comment, idea or question for the podcast? Submit via this form.

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Follow Along with the Transcript

Using Love and Logic to Raise Resilient Kids – Dr. Charles Fay with Dave Asprey – #832


Other: “7 Ways To Create A Respectful, Responsible, and Resilient Family” in partnership with Dr. Daniel Amen

Key Notes

  • We have Charles Fay, PhD, who created Love and Logic as recommended by one of my favorite brain hackers on the planet. – 2:49
  • You don’t have to be perfect. I mean, nobody is. You know what? Being a great model, which we all know is important. – 4:04
  • We gotta be hoping and praying every day that they blow it when the price tag is small. – 7:08
  • I want is kids who grow to become adults, who if they mess up, they say to themselves, “Hey, messed up. Learn something from that. Move on. That’s how we learn.”  – 8:28
  • Love and Logic is more about very few words, loving actions, and it can start very early.  – 12:36
  • How do you model confidence?  – 17:24
  • We can get through tough times when we’re also focusing on serving other people, and not just ourselves. – 24:18
  • The empathy sounds like this, “I can’t imagine how hard this must be for you. Oh, and you just forgot to do your chores, right?  – 27:53
  • As a parent, what do you do when your kids start hanging out with a bunch of kids who don’t have any resilience, and start picking that stuff back?  – 35:54
  • How kids handle peer influences is determined by how well we take care of ourselves.   – 41:46
  • I call it a dynamic equilibrium. Parenting is a dynamic equilibrium.  – 46:03
  • The kid’s interested in hearing it because I’ve spent time listening.  – 50:33
  • Some kids decide to look at that bully, and just say something like this, “That’s bullying, and that needs to stop,” and they turn away.  – 53:27
  • The way I explained it to my son is that there’s a lot of people they’re truly trying to help. In their hearts, they’re trying to do the right thing.  – 1:05:06
  • The way I explained it to my son is that there’s a lot of people they’re truly trying to help. In their hearts, they’re trying to do the right thing.  – 1:08:51
  • I want to recap that, the five non-negotiable core principles. Can you walk people through those as we wrap up the show?  – 1:12:38

If you like today’s episode, check us out on Apple Podcasts at and leave us a (hopefully) 5-star rating and a creative review.

Go check out my new book Super Human: The Bulletproof Plan to Age Backward and Maybe Even Live Forever and also “Game Changers“, “Headstrong” and “The Bulletproof Diet” on Amazon and consider leaving a review!

Want to help others reach their full potential? Check out the incredible Human Potential Coach Training program I set up with Dr. Mark Atkinson.

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