The Science of Sex: Longevity, Pleasure & Performance
Intimacy expert, Susan Bratton, co-founder and CEO of two companies serving the direct-to-consumer intimate wellness space, discusses the science of sexual biohacking, how to prevent atrophy, enhance your pleasure potential, and the profound link between intimacy and longevity.
In this Episode of The Human Upgrade™...
Today’s episode is with my friend Susan Bratton, who is an intimacy expert with 20 years of experience. She runs a publishing company called Better Lover, and has a supplement company called The 20. Her expertise is in ageless sexuality, sexual biohacking, libido supplementation, and sexual regenerative therapies that roll back the clock on aging.
Whether you’re a man or a woman, you’ll learn the specific things you can do to change the performance, the shape, the sensitivity, and the longevity of this amazing part of your body.
All life on earth—human and otherwise—runs through the same set of automated decision making that happens before your brain even gets engaged, one of which is what we’ll be talking about today, which keeps the species alive forever. Let’s call it fertility. It is actually a source of nourishment for us. So when you’re of the appropriate age, this is as important as eating, breathing and drinking water. Yet, we pay more attention to our food than we do to our reproductive and recreational sides of staying connected to our humanness. That’s why Susan’s on the show today.
She shares the science behind the link between intimacy and longevity, explains how to prevent atrophy in these important areas of our bodies, dispels myths about self-pleasure, gives a tutorial on all kinds of toys that can increase function and pleasure for all genders, and lists tips for creating more connection and communication in the bedroom. If you want to check out any of the toys or guides mentioned in this episode, go to moredave.com.
“You look 10 years younger than your cohorts if you're having regular, intimate connection.”
(03:14) How to Live Longer by Engaging in More Intimacy
- Honoring sexual expression outside of the gender binary
- The Human Awareness Institute: www1.hai.org
- How to regenerate and enhance your sex life
- Interesting insight on semen retention
- The correlation between regular intimacy and lifespan
- Categories of pleasure toys for men and women
- The benefits of vacuum erection devices and how to use them
- Sexual enhancement products and guides: moredave.com
(26:12) Orgasmic Cross Training: Toys & Supplements to Expand Pleasure Potential
- Natural nitric oxide supplements that help reverse atrophy
- How Nitric Oxide Controls Oxygen & Nutrient Delivery, Aging & Quality of Life – Nathan Bryan, Ph.D. / Pneuma Nitric Oxide #1041
- Regenerative stack for male and female enhancement
- How to fix atrophy and focus on engorgement in female reproductive parts
- Orgasmic cross training: 8 different toys for females
- How often a man or woman should self-pleasure in order to maintain their potency
- The different types of vibrators and their uses
(42:02) The Power of Safe & Proper Touch for Female Pleasure
- Orgasmic cross training: 4 different toys for males
- Understanding the vulval activation and sensory pleasure women need prior to penetration
- Why yoni massages can be so powerful
- The effects of shame and lack of proper touch in receiving pleasure for women
- The bullseye touch technique: betterlover.com
- Sex Life Bucket List: moredave.com
Enjoy the show!
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[00:00:00] Susan: You’re listening to The Human Upgrade with Dave Asprey. Today’s episode is filmed in person with my friend Susan Bratton, who is an intimacy expert with 20 years of experience. She runs a publishing company called Better Lover, and you can probably tell what they do by that name, and one called The20, which is a supplement company.
[00:00:22] Dave: And I’ve asked Susan to come on today to share some really, really important biohacking information that you probably haven’t heard about. And this has to do with stuff we do in the bedroom. It also means that sometimes I will be dancing around certain words because I, for one, support our robotic AI censorship overlords. And so I’m going to do my best to just give it to you straight. By the way, I’ve been informed I only get to make three 7th grade sense of humor jokes on this episode.
[00:00:55] Susan: And he made me three before we started.
[00:00:56] Dave: That was almost one of them right there. But I held my breath.
[00:01:00] Susan: He’s saving them.
[00:01:01] Dave: I didn’t laugh. And if you’re a new listener, one of my anti-aging metrics is my sense of humor, which is not aged at all. You can tell.
[00:01:13] Susan: That’s the reason. That explains it all.
[00:01:15] Dave: I want to live to 180 at least.
[00:01:18] Susan: And still be a 7th grade boy.
[00:01:19] Dave: I’m going to die with a 7th grade sense of humor.
[00:01:22] Susan: That’s reasonable, Dave.
[00:01:23] Dave: Yeah. I apologize.
[00:01:24] Susan: I’m getting this into a whole new light now. I’m understanding that this is a longevity strategy. That makes perfect sense.
[00:01:31] Dave: If you can’t laugh, you’re going to get old. That’s how it works.
[00:01:34] Susan: True that. Got to have the resources for fun.
[00:01:36] Dave: Speaking of resources for fun, if you’re watching this online versus listening to it, um, there is a table full of all sorts of adult novelties. And what you’re going to learn today, whether you’re a man or a woman, is you’re going to learn the specific things you can do to change the performance, to change the shape, to change the sensitivity, to change the longevity of this amazing part of your body.
[00:02:04] And if you’re maybe a reader of my books, or you just hear me talk about this, all life on earth, human and otherwise, runs through the same set of automated decision making that happens before your brain even gets engaged. And number one is fear. That is, run away from, kill, or hide from scary things.
[00:02:25] Number two is food. Eat everything. Number three is also an F word, the one we’re talking about today, which keeps the species alive forever. And that one, I’m going to call it fertility. That, actually, is a source of nourishment for us. So when you’re of the appropriate age, this is as important as eating, and breathing, and drinking water, and things like that. Yet, we pay more attention to our food, and not even very much attention there, than we do to our reproductive and recreational sides of staying connected to our humanness. That’s why Susan’s on the show today. Susan.
[00:02:59] Susan: Hi, sweetheart. Great to be here.
[00:03:01] Dave: You were just on stage at my biohacking conference.
[00:03:02] Susan: I know, we had fun.
[00:03:04] Dave: It was really fun.
[00:03:04] Susan: It was Susie’s sexy show and tell.
[00:03:06] Dave: It was. And so we have a 1,000 people sitting there and another 1,000 people milling around somewhere, and I ended up having a bouquet that I was holding, but it wasn’t of flowers. What was the right word for what that was?
[00:03:19] Susan: Well, it was an orgasmic cross-training bouquet of pleasure tools for vulva owners to awaken–
[00:03:27] Dave: Did you really say vulva owners? Is that some new weird word for women or what?
[00:03:32] Susan: In my business, I like to support people across the gender spectrum. And I like to support gender fluidity because more and more people are moving toward self-expression, sexual self-expression that isn’t necessarily just the male-female heterosexual paradigm. And so when I talk about a man, sometimes there are people who own penises that don’t identify as a man.
[00:03:55] So we’re in this time of exploration of the words that we use around what chromosomes gave us what genitals, which gave us which hormone profiles. So we’ve got an XY penis-owning testosterone-dominant homo sapien and an XX vulva-owning estrogen-dominant homo sapien. And sometimes they’re not even the ones that are actually having sex.
[00:04:21] And so I do my best to keep it simple, at the same time, honor whatever anybody wants to be and who they want to love. That’s the answer.
[00:04:30] Dave: That was a very complex answer. I’m truly impressed. I’m a little more simple. As a biohacker, you have a right to do whatever you want to your body, uh, including grow a third gonad, or a third eye, or put on robot arms, or lift–
[00:04:44] Susan: Or get a bigger penis. We’re going to be talking about male enhancement today. Absolutely.
[00:04:49] Dave: So I’m in full support of people doing whatever they want to do. I’m not necessarily going to change my cognitive frameworks in, uh, elastic ways that make it hard to communicate.
[00:04:57] Susan: That’s okay. We’re going to say man, woman today.
[00:05:00] Dave: I would prefer that.
[00:05:01] Susan: Me too. But I do like to get that out of the way because I do like to be like, hey, I’m in support of your sexual self-expression.
[00:05:08] Dave: Oh, amen. You should have sex with whoever you want to have sex with, as long as they consent. And I’ve believed that for my entire life. So that’s one of the things I just want to be able to communicate without doing this weird–
[00:05:19] Susan: Gymnastics.
[00:05:20] Dave: Like there aren’t such a thing as mothers. No.
[00:05:22] Susan: We’ve gotten that done. We’re moving through that. What I’d like to talk about is sex span, because you are really known for biohacking coming from the world of longevity and anti-aging, and everybody’s thinking about increasing their health span, but I like people to start thinking about increasing their sex span, because I’ll be 62 next week, and I am having the best sex of my life at 62. My genitals are gorgeous. They’re lubricated. They’re massively orgasmic. I’m just a walking specimen of how great sex can be when you do sexual biohacking, which is what I came here to talk to you about today.
[00:06:07] Dave: Were they always like that?
[00:06:10] Susan: They were always pretty. I was 42 before I really started looking at my genitals. I remember that Tim and I, who, by the way, I celebrated my 30th wedding anniversary with last Monday, and I remember at 42, when our marriage almost fell apart because I wasn’t having orgasms from intercourse, and he was, and I didn’t want to do it anymore, and it created such a chasm in our relationship. And so we said, let’s fix it. We started going to sex workshops. Now, not everybody’s going to do that, which is why I started–
[00:06:42] Dave: A sex workshop? What is that?
[00:06:43] Susan: A tantric workshop or–
[00:06:46] Dave: A tantra or–
[00:06:47] Susan: It could be anything.
[00:06:48] Dave: I’ve done classes like that.
[00:06:49] Susan: Yeah. Orgasmic meditation, whatever it might be. You learn various techniques and the human awareness institute with all of their different levels of sex, love, and intimacy. It’s a lot of really great things out there you can do.
[00:07:00] Dave: It turns out there’s science and practice and thousands of years of work done on regenerating and enhancing sex. So yeah, there’s that.
[00:07:08] Susan: I wanted to tell you. I talked to a Daoist sexual scholar who came to the Biohacking Conference.
[00:07:14] Dave: Why did they not come and talk to me? Darn it.
[00:07:16] Susan: I know. And I was asking her all about semen retention because I know that’s a lot of the–
[00:07:21] Dave: I’ve talked about that for a decade. Yeah.
[00:07:22] Susan: Exactly. And she was telling me some interesting things. One of them was that making love with a partner actually extends your telomeres, and that, of course, semen has incredible amounts of things in it. She didn’t have to tell me that. I already knew that. One of which, of course, is spermidine.
[00:07:42] Dave: It’s almost like they named it after sperm. Oh, they did.
[00:07:45] Susan: Exactly. And, uh, having good intercourse is so important if you can have it, because there’s so many good beneficial things in semen that help the female body as well.
[00:07:56] Dave: So you’re trying to suck us guys dry so we’ll die sooner as hollowed out husks because we ejaculated too much for your own benefit.
[00:08:05] Susan: Just get it all out of there.
[00:08:06] Dave: I knew it. Black widow stuff.
[00:08:07] Susan: So I can live forever. Exactly. Because apparently, the whole semen retention thing, the Daoist practice came from the emperor wanting to live forever. So he didn’t give all his concubines, any of his semen.
[00:08:18] Dave: They had to really work for it.
[00:08:20] Susan: Well, they didn’t get it because it made him live longer. But it makes us live longer too. So I think it’s a nice gift to give.
[00:08:27] Dave: So it’s something we have to apportion out fairly.
[00:08:30] Susan: I think so. A little for you, a little for me.
[00:08:33] Dave: Got it.
[00:08:35] Susan: So that’s one of the things that can expand your sex span. I also read an interesting study that I wanted to tell you about. So there was a study done in Europe where 2,500 people were shown photos of people between the ages of 18 and 80, and they were asked to guess their age. And when they did that, there was this group of people that everyone guessed to be 10 years younger than their actual age. And they’re like, what is the correlation? And they’re scratching their head trying to figure it out. It turns out that the correlation was these were the people having intimacy three times a week or more.
[00:09:09] Dave: Mmm.
[00:09:10] Susan: They called it sex, but I try to stay away from just calling it sex because when I say sex, I feel like most people think intercourse. And though intercourse is a part of sex, sex is so much more than intercourse. Don’t get me wrong. I love it. It’s the highlight of my sex life, intercourse. But for women, we need so much more than just to be penetrated.
[00:09:29] We get penetrated too quickly. And so I always have to do a carve out around that. I say intimacy, but you look 10 years younger than your cohorts if you’re having regular intimate connection. That alone is enough for me to have a lot of sex because I want to look 10 years younger.
[00:09:47] But the interesting thing about it is that it also reboots your nervous system. It also sends out an endocrine cascade of neurotransmitters and feel-good hormones. It generates tons of oxytocin, which makes you not just like your partner better, but be annoyed by people less, which we could use a lot more of. So all of these things, the nervous system reboot, point to having great sex will make you live longer.
[00:10:18] Dave: All right. I absolutely believe that. And what I found in the one year of experimenting with Daoist semen retention, which I still practice on a regular basis, the less I ejaculated, the more times I would want to have sex, whether it was penetrative or not.
[00:10:36] Susan: So the three times per week becomes really easy if you’re not depleting your testosterone every time you do it. So there’s some healthy balance in the middle, and there’s an equation and all. And I feel like I’ve talked about that on some of the shows, but some of the things that you know are pretty magical is you’ve created a, I’m going to say, taxonomy for pleasure toys for men and women.
[00:11:02] Dave: And I want listeners to understand that. So these are things you can use by yourself or with a partner. But the idea is just to know the categories. So you’ve set that up like you would looking at phyla and all the other things that biologists would do. And then the tech for regeneration, including just crazy successful stuff. You sent me a pump a while ago, and I’ve talked about having stem cells injected in my male organs as well as shockwave therapy and things.
[00:11:34] But the pump that you sent me had a very noticeable and long-term effect. Pretty surprising actually. So I want guys or partners of guys, there are things you can do, the things that if you saw an ad that they would block the ad because it would be one of those things you’re not allowed to talk about on the internet, but things you can do for width, and length, and duration that are crazy, and they’re not the shockwave, or lasers, or the real expensive stuff. These are relatively affordable, and they take what, about 20 minutes every other day?
[00:12:08] Susan: Yeah.
[00:12:08] Dave: That was what you told me to do.
[00:12:09] Susan: Yeah, that’s right. So basically, if you’re listening to the audio, you won’t be able to see that I have a whole bunch of cylinders here. But if you go to your YouTube channel, you can see that.
[00:12:18] Dave: This is the biggest one. That’s one you sent me, right?
[00:12:20] Susan: I’m just noting, that was his first penis joke.
[00:12:26] Dave: I had to do it. For the record, that wasn’t the one I had.
[00:12:32] Susan: So penis pumps are given out by urologists all the time for guys. It’s just that most people don’t know about it. And when I started learning about the benefits of what are called vacuum erection devices, I realized that what they are best at is reversing atrophy.
[00:12:50] As we age, as we begin to wrinkle, you look at old people, and they’re small. They atrophy, they shrink, they desiccate. Well, their genitals are shrinking too. So once we hit the 40s timeframe in our lifespan, our genitals begin atrophying. They begin aging. Women get vaginal laxity. We get loss of lubrication. Both male and females have a diminishment of orgasmic capacity. We begin to struggle to achieve orgasm. Men say they have a lot of sensation loss. And a guy’s penis shrivels up, and a woman’s vulva gets smaller. All the tissue gets smaller.
[00:13:29] Dave: Mother Nature is a harsh mistress, isn’t she? She’s like, we’re done with you. Get out of here.
[00:13:34] Susan: Exactly.
[00:13:35] Dave: I think we need to just completely own her–
[00:13:37] Susan: That’s why I still have my period.
[00:13:38] Dave: As a hacker does, yeah.
[00:13:39] Susan: At 62. Because it’s planned obsolescence. So I feel like if I just keep having my period, I will stave off my obsolescence.
[00:13:49] Dave: There’s so many reasons to believe that’s true. Have you heard about the experiments where they take a tiny piece of ovarian tissue when you’re in your 20s and then implant them when you start menopause, and then suddenly you stay younger for another 20 years?
[00:14:04] Susan: I have been reading about that. I know. I was eyeing my daughter the other day.
[00:14:08] Dave: Yeah. I don’t know where to get that done yet. Researchers in the UK. But if I had ovaries, I’d be banking them right now. Not all of them, obviously. A little tiny slivers, all it takes to stay young. Your body just has to believe you can have babies.
[00:14:19] Susan: I know. Isn’t that fascinating?
[00:14:20] Dave: Yeah.
[00:14:20] Susan: I know. Very interesting. So this is one of the ways you can trick it.
[00:14:23] Dave: And having orgasms is part of that whole system, right?
[00:14:26] Susan: It is. Definitely. It’s a use it or lose it proposition. And so the atrophy, you want to reverse atrophy. You want to begin to fend off the atrophy, essentially. And so what a penis pump does is it’s a vacuum cylinder. You put it on your penis and you use a hand pump. I’ve got one right here. So we are showing these on the–
[00:14:44] Dave: You sent me the electric pump.
[00:14:46] Susan: I did. I like the electric pump because, basically, you can just rest the pump on your desk, and you’ve got your keyboard, and you can just do your work while you’re pumping your penis. Because what you do is pull the blood into the penis and hold the vacuum pressure in the penis for 10 minutes, and then you release, massage your penis, do it again, and then you can do it a third time.
[00:15:11] And if you do that a couple of times a week, it is unbelievable the change that a penis will have. The first thing that happens is it gets thicker. Girthier is the word that is used because it gets thicker faster than it gets longer. But the two-cylinder system, the bigger cylinder and the small cylinder, the bigger cylinder is the one you put both the testicles and the penis in.
[00:15:33] And when you do that, it pulls on the suspensory ligament that is essentially allowing your penis to drop a little bit and elongate. And so you get length and girth within, what am I going to say, maybe about 10 weeks, you start to see significant improvement in penis size. But what you also see is massive amounts of vascularization. I know you’re trying to get the thing stuck on your bicep. Your biceps are too hard now, Dave. It’s not going to work.
[00:16:01] Dave: Yeah, sorry. I was going to demo it, but I have no skin that I can reach that will– oh, there we go. I got it on my arm. Look at that.
[00:16:08] Susan: Yeah, it’ll pull your skin right in there. And it doesn’t hurt. It’s actually pleasurable.
[00:16:11] Dave: Not too much muscle. Not getting a zeal. No, I got it a little bit.
[00:16:15] Susan: Yeah, good.
[00:16:16] Dave: Anyhow, this is a relatively simple device.
[00:16:18] Susan: It’s so simple.
[00:16:19] Dave: Except it has a gauge on it. And I actually bought a penis pump 10 years ago. I saw some stuff online. Actually, probably pre-read it even. And so I bought one, and it didn’t really seem to do anything. Of course, if you have suction, lots of blood is going to flow in, but I didn’t see any benefits. And when you first said, hey, Dave, I’m working with doctors, I was like, tried it. Didn’t work. And I tried some Gould water pump.
[00:16:44] Susan: Yeah. Had to get over a lot of skepticism with it. And then when they get it, they’re like, oh, follow the protocol.
[00:16:48] Dave: I was doing it every day, and you have a protocol that you recommend, which is every other day.
[00:16:52] Susan: Yeah, this is my pump guide. Isn’t that cute?
[00:16:54] Dave: That is cool. That is cute. Is that you on the cover?
[00:16:58] Susan: No, I’m on the back.
[00:17:01] Dave: There you are. You’re on the back. What I did find was having every other day, and I just do two 10-minute sessions. I’m too lazy to do three. And I didn’t do it at my desk, though. I usually just did it while I was reading in bed. It’s not sexy time unless you want it to be because you actually can’t touch it because it’s inside a cylinder. So it’s like, okay.
[00:17:21] Susan: But it feels good.
[00:17:22] Dave: Yeah. It feels good.
[00:17:23] Susan: I’ll tell you something. If you do it for 10, 12 weeks straight and you’re very consistent about it, you will see an unbelievable amount of vascularization in the penis. You’ll grow this network of veins, and then they’ll get thicker. And then your penis will be bigger, harder, firmer, veinier. It will feel better. Your orgasms will be better.
[00:17:45] You’ll get out of the shower, and you’ll catch a glimpse, and you’ll be like, oh, that looks good. You get some confidence back. In all honesty, a guy’s penis is a big part of his personal confidence. And so when he can get it looking really good, he feels better about himself.
[00:18:04] Dave: You do see changes when you get out of the shower, and you’re like, who’s that in the mirror?
[00:18:08] Susan: Yeah. It’s a nice feeling.
[00:18:10] Dave: It’s a nice feeling. It’s also a little bit weird. You don’t recognize yourself quite as much and for a little while until you just get used to it. And by now, you’re going, all right, what is this stuff? moredave.com is the URL that Susan set up for this. And there’s discounts and all the tech that we’re talking about. This is quite affordable, and it doesn’t take a lot of time. You can do other things while you’re doing it. And I prefer biohacks that have a big impact in a small amount of time that don’t suck away from other activities.
[00:18:39] Susan: I want to show you a couple more things that go with it too because if we’re going to talk about– this is called male enhancement. So you can go to just reversing atrophy or you can actually make your penis bigger. All women want to be richer and thinner. All men want a bigger penis.
[00:18:56] And we can’t actually make our breasts much bigger, but the penis really responds to pumping. And guys that are small, they want to be bigger. Guys that are big want to be bigger. It’s like all guys want to be bigger. And this is a red light wrap that goes on the cylinder that helps with photobiomodulation on both recovery and repair. So you can wrap that right on the pump cylinder, or you can wrap it right on your penis.
[00:19:23] Dave: And listeners all know about light therapy because I’ve been talking about TrueLight. And in fact, it was one of the first light therapy companies out there. One that I started. And we don’t make anything like this because this is specifically designed to go with the penis pumps. And as you can see, it would fit really well.
[00:19:40] Susan: Yeah. It’ll fit for you. That’s your second penis joke.
[00:19:43] Dave: I was putting on my wrist.
[00:19:45] Susan: He’s trying to sneak them in now. You see it, don’t you?
[00:19:49] Dave: I am innocent. I was just saying that for any man out there, this would almost certainly work unless you’re bigger than my arm, in which case, hats off, brother.
[00:19:58] Susan: This is a traction device. It’s called Deep. I named it.
[00:20:03] Dave: It’s called Deep, and you have me sitting here holding a dildo, a lifelike one.
[00:20:09] Susan: It’s a model of a penis.
[00:20:10] Dave: But it’s not just a model. It’s got the cyber skin. So this is a pleasure one. This isn’t a model. This is a toy [Inaudible].
[00:20:15] Susan: It depends on what you want to do with it.
[00:20:19] Dave: It’s got a suction cup base.
[00:20:22] Susan: It does. Yeah. It is a toy, which I use to demonstrate a traction device. And if you want to accelerate length– so penis pumps work super well for girth if you want to– did you get it to stick?
[00:20:34] Dave: I was trying to get the suction cup to stick to my hand. It didn’t work.
[00:20:36] Susan: Why I thought I could bring a table full of items for Dave and he wouldn’t goof.
[00:20:41] Dave: I want to be a unicorn.
[00:20:44] Susan: It’ll stick to your forehead. You might as well do it. That’s where it’ll stick.
[00:20:48] Dave: It’ll leave a red circle for the rest of the interview.
[00:20:50] Susan: Anyway, you wear this half an hour before pumping, and it accelerates the length. It basically does cellular growth so that you get even more length faster. And a lot of guys want more length too.
[00:21:02] Dave: All right. There’s a downside to more length that I discovered.
[00:21:05] Susan: Yeah, you get too big for your girlfriend.
[00:21:07] Dave: Yeah, it actually can happen, and has happened where you bump the back painfully, so I would say girth is more important than length, unless you have a lower than average length, in which case, great, you want to get it up. I did try, what’s this one called? Deeper?
[00:21:23] Susan: Deep.
[00:21:24] Dave: Deep. I did try this, and it works. And guys, if you’re watching, or women, um, who are planning–
[00:21:31] Susan: Give your husband in making sure he doesn’t atrophy.
[00:21:34] Dave: It’s a little spring-loaded thing, and it wraps around the head. It doesn’t hurt. I’ve used it. I have used this during zoom calls because you just put it on and like–
[00:21:42] Susan: Exactly. You can wear it on your pants and no one–
[00:21:44] Dave: Yeah, no one knows. And it’s got a little spring-loaded piston that just gently stretches.
[00:21:48] Susan: It tugs.
[00:21:49] Dave: And if you think about it, what do you do when you’re stretching? Well, you’re stretching. And when you exercise, same thing. So all this is, is telling the cells to grow. And it actually works. What’s the amount of time to use this? A half an hour?
[00:22:01] Susan: Use it half an hour before your pumping session.
[00:22:03] Dave: For how long?
[00:22:04] Susan: You could wear that half an hour on, half an hour off for eight hours a day if you wanted to.
[00:22:09] Dave: Got it.
[00:22:10] Susan: You can wear that a lot.
[00:22:11] Dave: But it should not be on for more than a half an hour.
[00:22:13] Susan: Not more than a half an hour.
[00:22:14] Dave: Okay. So 30 minutes, then take a break. 30 minutes, take a break. I’ve only used it for 30 minutes, twice a day. And, again, you can do it with other things. So if this is an area where you’re either sensitive or you just want to make a change, you do Deep, and then you do the pump. Again, this is all at moredave.com.
[00:22:34] Susan: And the pump guide is there, too, with the instructions.
[00:22:36] Dave: Okay, the pump guide. And then you can put the photobiomodulation on it. And what you end up with is really, really, really noticeable changes, even if you’re happy with what you have, which is a situation that I’m in. I’m like, wow, what else can you biohack? So I wanted to just be really straightforward and just raw with you guys so that– this isn’t something most people are going to talk about because there’s all kinds of shame, or judgment, or whatever. But you get to pick the size and shape, and you get to change it. And it’s as easy to change that as it is to grow biceps by going to the gym. It’s actually easier because there’s more effort at the gym.
[00:23:14] Susan: It’s the plasticity of the penis, like the plasticity of the mind. We can apply the same principles.
[00:23:19] Dave: I have to hand this dildo back to you. I don’t want to stand here waving it around like a king’s staff.
[00:23:23] Susan: These little bump on.
[00:23:25] Dave: I don’t have one of these. What is this?
[00:23:27] Susan: Those are called Ohnuts. And you said, what if I get too big? Well, there’s two things I want to say about that. The first is that you can put these little bump ons on so that you don’t penetrate your partner too deeply. But I want to leave some space for women who have the mind that their partner is too big for them because one of the next things I want to talk to you about, but there’s one thing I want to say before we do it, but I want to talk to you about what the vagina is really like and how being penetrated deeply, once you get used to it, is an incredibly pleasurable experience. And sometimes you just have to slow down and allow your body to open to the pleasure of deeper penetration. But we’ll get there in just one second.
[00:24:11] Dave: Cervical orgasm stuff.
[00:24:12] Susan: Beyond cervical orgasm. So I want to get to the 20 kinds of orgasms and how you do orgasmic cross-training, but I want to finish off with male enhancement. And you’re welcome to open these up, Dave. These are the firm TechRings. This is called the TechRing. And this is that penis ring. We showed these at the Biohacking Conference.
[00:24:30] You can wear this penis ring at night, and it has a strain gauge on it. And soon a pulse oximeter. And what it does is it tells you how many nighttime erections you have. Now, I have guys who are pumping, and they’ll text or email me and say my erections are so strong. They’re waking me up now.
[00:24:51] I went from not having nocturnal erections. And when you lose nocturnal erections, you’re on your way to a heart attack. It is the canary in the coal mine. So you want to count your nocturnal erections, and you want to count the duration and the firmness of your erectile function, and you can map it over time with the app and this penis ring.
[00:25:11] It goes under the testicles around the penis and allows you to measure your progress. So as you’re pumping and you’re getting– here you go. This is the one with the readout on it. As you’re pumping and getting more vascularization, and you’re getting more blood flow, and you’re reversing atrophy, and you’re generating new tissue in your penis, you can quantify it. He’s shooting it across the room.
[00:25:35] Dave: I wasn’t trying to shoot it like a rubber band.
[00:25:37] Susan: I call it the Oura Ring for your ding-a-ling.
[00:25:39] Dave: There you go. It is like an Oura Ring.
[00:25:41] Susan: It is.
[00:25:42] Dave: And if you’re doing the other biohacks that I’ve talked about on the show, the things that improve your cardiovascular capacity, nitric oxide–
[00:25:50] Susan: Oh, yeah.
[00:25:50] Dave: Things like that, you’re going–
[00:25:51] Susan: This is why I have a supplement company, because I make an organic nitric oxide booster. That’s ground zero. That’s the base of the stack. I know you had Nathan Bryan on. He’s a doll. I’ve learned so much from him on that.
[00:26:02] Dave: Citrulline.
[00:26:03] Susan: Yeah, it’s all made from organic vegetables and fruits. That’s what I like. I like really natural kinds of supplements. Yeah.
[00:26:09] Dave: And the cool thing is, take it, and then see what it does.
[00:26:13] Susan: Yeah. I say you can microdose Viagra. If you’re a guy who’s taking Viagra and you’re reliant on it, you can start microdosing it. Once you get your nitric oxide topped off, you might be able to just get completely off the pharma.
[00:26:23] Dave: I believe that. And the microdosing is around five or six milligrams a day. And what’s the normal dose of Viagra for people?
[00:26:29] Susan: 60 milligrams is the average dose of prescribed Viagra, or PDE5.
[00:26:35] Dave: Wouldn’t that give you a massive headache?
[00:26:36] Susan: Massive headaches, sinuses, vision impairment. Top up your nitric oxide. Listen to the Nathan Bryan interview about, get rid of the mouthwash, and the proton pump inhibitors, and all that stuff too. Eat your vegetables. And take some nitric oxide supplement boosters. Add to–
[00:26:51] Dave: And this is The20 flow nitric oxide.
[00:26:52] Susan: Yeah, that’s my nitric oxide supplement. That’s my top selling product.
[00:26:59] Dave: That’s awesome. And here’s the thing. If you are wearing– this is the FirmTech?
[00:27:04] Susan: Yeah.
[00:27:05] Dave: Um, or probably if you’re just wearing anything that’s tracking your vascular health, it’s just your Oura Ring isn’t going to do that, but this will track how good your system’s working. You probably could also do something like a pulse wave to determine the flexibility of your arteries. That’s an intake. By the way, mine are 24 years old, according to Paul’s book.
[00:27:24] Susan: I love that. Yeah, I love that. So let’s talk about that regenerative stack very quickly, because I want to move on to orgasmic cross-training, if that’s okay.
[00:27:31] Dave: Sure.
[00:27:31] Susan: So the baseline is, get your nitric oxide supplement, then do your pumping, then stack on your acoustic wave, your GAINSWave. For women, your FemiWave. Then you can look into either your own stem cells, if you’ve banked them, and you’re getting your own line, which is the best.
[00:27:51] Dave: I’ve had my stem cells in more times than I can remember now.
[00:27:52] Susan: Yeah, that’s great. I’m actually headed down to bank my cells in a couple of weeks. So better now than never. I’m biologically 43 right now. I’m trying to get below 40, myself, on my TruDiagnostic score. But do the acoustic wave, do the GAINSWave, and then do stem cells, or exosomes, or PRP on top of that. All of that is your synergistic biohacking stack for male enhancement. For female enhancement– Let me just finish off with that since we’re talking about ladies.
[00:28:22] Dave: We totally have to do that.
[00:28:23] Susan: I want to talk about that. So nitric oxide, start there. That helps with lubrication because the vagina is not a gland. It is not self-lubricating. It’s a mucosal lining, like the inside of our mouth. We’ve got to get the blood flowing down to our pelvic bowl so that it seeps through the lining and lubricates us.
[00:28:42] And for women, a lot of times, they feel like they’ve lost lubrication, and they think it’s hormonal, when actually it’s not necessarily just hormonal that does have– the estrogen has an effect on the hormonal lining, the thickness of the vaginal mucosal lining. So it can hold more moisture if it’s thicker. But you’ve got to get the blood in there so it can seep through. So I like FemiWave, which is what really, really helped me.
[00:29:07] Dave: And what is that?
[00:29:08] Susan: That’s the GAINSWave for ladies.
[00:29:10] Dave: Okay. So it’s a shock–
[00:29:11] Susan: Acoustic wave.
[00:29:11] Dave: It’s a shockwave therapy.
[00:29:12] Susan: It’s shockwave. Yeah, exactly.
[00:29:14] Dave: And so people can Google shockwave therapy women.
[00:29:16] Susan: Yeah. Or just go to FemiWave. FemiWave and GAINSWave. They’re simple. This is a vagina device that I love. This is really nice if you’re like more of a DIY, at home, I don’t want to go have a treatment, I want to try something first.
[00:29:29] Dave: Is this also on the moredave site?
[00:29:30] Susan: That’s on moredave. That’s the vagina device.
[00:29:32] Dave: And I love the idea of red– this is red and infrared–
[00:29:36] Susan: Yes. Red and infrared.
[00:29:37] Dave: Internally. And every woman I know who’s tried this has been like, oh my God, what just happened? And as you can tell, it also vibrates.
[00:29:44] Susan: Yeah. So it’s got vibration warmth, which I love, and red light. And it’s really good for reversing incontinence and lubricating the vaginal mucosal lining. And also, the red light helps with the glycogen in the vaginal biome. So good bacteria wants sugar, wants the glycogen. Bad bacteria, which a lot of women struggle with, is when your biome is off and you don’t have enough glycogen. The red light stimulates glycogen and fixes that biome.
[00:30:16] Dave: No kidding.
[00:30:17] Susan: Yeah. Isn’t that cool?
[00:30:18] Dave: Is this also good for facial anti-aging lymphatic drainage?
[00:30:20] Susan: Probably not. I don’t think so. So if you want to turn it off, it’s that button. Just hold it. It’ll go off. Yeah. So I love that. Uh, that’s on moredave.com as well. So the FemiWave does more, in all honesty. This is not going to reconstitute the clitoral tissue. It’s only going to fix up inside the vagina. So it’s going to do the incontinence, the lubrication, the vaginal laxity.
[00:30:45] Dave: Pelvic floor stuff.
[00:30:46] Susan: Yeah, pelvic floor, etc. That’s why I still like the waves, because they actually go over the whole clitoral structure, down the labia, which the clitoris is under the labia. It penetrates much more deeply all that tissue, and that really makes a big difference. Because our clitoris atrophies, just like our male-bodied partner’s penis atrophies. We’ve got as much– so I always hold up my little banana. This is what we did when we were at the conference.
[00:31:13] We got play dough, and we made a penis, and then we turned it into the clitoral, urethral, and perineal structures of erectile tissue for the vulva. And everybody’s like, you mean I have that much erectile tissue in my vulva? People love the play dough thing. They just love that. They’re like, that’s the first time I realized I basically have a penis in my pants.
[00:31:34] I just have it in these little parts. And so it gets atrophied. We start struggling to have orgasms, and that’s what I like about the wave, the FemiWave. It fixes that atrophy in a way because you can’t– there are vulva pumps. So here’s a vulva pump. Here’s a clitoral pump So this is what I do in biohacking. I’ve made my clitoris bigger. Big. It’s meaty. I have incredible orgasms.
[00:32:02] Dave: I have a partner who loves the clit pump, and it’s amazing how big a clit can get. Holy crap.
[00:32:08] Susan: It is a penis. It pumps just like a penis. And the bigger it is, the more sensation.
[00:32:13] Dave: And the sensation there is over the top when it’s like that.
[00:32:16] Susan: It’s absolutely extraordinary. It’s exquisite. If you think about it, when you have a flaccid penis, you don’t feel as much pleasure. There’s not as much surface area sending as many signals to your brain. When you have a flaccid clitoris. It’s the same thing. So if you get all that tissue activated, this is where I’m now segueing us into the toys, the flower bouquet.
[00:32:41] When you get all that tissue activated, it plumps up, it gets all that juicy blood flow, and now you’ve got all this surface area being stimulated going, I feel this in my brain. Oh my God, this is incredible. These orgasms are blowing my mind. That’s what happens when you focus on engorgement.
[00:33:02] Dave: There’s something else there that’s just worth mentioning.
[00:33:05] Susan: Please.
[00:33:05] Dave: So if a woman’s lover understands where the erectile tissue is the way you do with the play dough thing, that’s why all the areas around the clit, you’d need to touch all of those for quite a while. And the whole area gets engorged. And then you start hearing things like, oh my God, what just happened? Which are good things to hear.
[00:33:25] Susan: Really good things to hear. Men, because they have fast-acting hemodynamics, a couple of minutes, if that, to get an erection. Because we have all of our parts, I call it the English muffin. It’s basically nooks and crannies, all of our same amount of erectile tissues in these nooks and crannies. The blood just flows in there more slowly.
[00:33:44] And so we need a good 20 minutes of active pleasuring to get the same erectile function that our male body partners do in a minute or two. And so the number one sex technique I tell men is, slow down. Just take more time pleasuring and getting her fully engorged. And so that’s what I came to show you, are the eight kinds of toys that I tell women to have in their pleasure chest for orgasmic cross-training, which is, these toys activate different areas of the vulva so that all of it gets more blood flow, and is more responsive, and sends more signals to the brain.
[00:34:24] Because when you look at the fMRIs– Dr. Nan Ryce, she’s a neuroscientist who stuck a whole bunch of women in MRI tubes and had them masturbate and think sexy thoughts and looked at where the brain lit up. The brain lights up when you touch the mouth, when you touch the breasts and nipples, when you touch the clitoris, when you touch the labia, which the clitoris is under there too, when you touch the opening to the vagina, which is called the introidal sphincter, and when you go inside and you touch the cervical area.
[00:34:57] So you want to get full activation of all of that. And that’s why I like to say to women, yes, I understand you like that one thing that gets you to your orgasm. Now, learn how to cross-train so you have lots of paths to orgasm. That’s what this is really about. And then women say, but will I be dependent on it? No.
[00:35:18] Once you get all that tissue activated, when you’re with a partner, whether you use toys or not, it gets filled really fast, and it’s all much more responsive. And you’ve got the neural pathways to the brain set in so that it’s much easier to get to orgasm with a partner, even without a toy.
[00:35:37] Dave: So is there a recipe for how often a man or woman should self-pleasure in order to maintain their potency?
[00:35:45] Susan: Well, if you want to look 10 years younger than all of the other people in your cohort, maybe three times a week would be a good thing to start with.
[00:35:54] Dave: With a partner or just by yourself?
[00:35:56] Susan: Both count.
[00:35:56] Dave: Both count, all right.
[00:35:57] Susan: It all counts. All pleasure is equal.
[00:36:00] Dave: Say, Monday, Wednesday, Friday, put it on your calendar. And I guess, because you’re saying 20 minutes of warming up for a woman, you need about a half hour total?
[00:36:07] Susan: It doesn’t matter.
[00:36:07] Dave: What’s the minimum effective time?
[00:36:10] Susan: Minimum effective time is probably pleasuring yourself for 5 or 10 minutes. 20 minutes is great. And that’s why if you have a few toys, you can use them together too. You can use two things at the same time.
[00:36:22] Dave: You could do it in traffic or something.
[00:36:23] Susan: Maybe you could. I’ve got some tiny ones that really fit well in your purse. You ready to see them?
[00:36:28] Dave: Of course I do.
[00:36:29] Susan: Of course you do.
[00:36:29] Dave: How did I know?
[00:36:30] Susan: This is what you put in your evening bag when you’re going out on a date and you’re not sure.
[00:36:35] Dave: Oh, this is lipstick.
[00:36:36] Susan: Exactly. Ooh, wait, wrong thing.
[00:36:38] Dave: The classic lipstick vibe. I wonder how many of these the TSA sees on a daily basis.
[00:36:43] Susan: Oh, the TSA, of course, my luggage was late because my bag never makes it through the TSA without a little– I always get a TSA love note.
[00:36:51] Dave: They fondle your bag for you?
[00:36:53] Susan: Oh yeah. I’m going to tell you about the different types of vibrators. So these are bullets. This one I like. It’s like a ring pop. And links to these are all at moredave.com. So you can be like, what was that ring pop, or whatever you–
[00:37:06] Dave: I just want to be straightforward. You’ve done huge amounts of research. There’s tons of crappy stuff on Amazon and whatever.
[00:37:13] Susan: These are the good brands with body-safe materials, with great motors, etc. Yeah.
[00:37:18] Dave: And if you’re not into toys, maybe you should try one and see if you really aren’t into toys, but I trust Susan– I’ve known you for 10 years– to do the research on finding ones that are safe to use.
[00:37:31] Susan: I’m a toy nerd.
[00:37:31] Dave: Half the stuff here. Yeah, you’re super nerd.
[00:37:33] Susan: I’m a super nerd. I’m such a nerd.
[00:37:36] Dave: Okay. I’m wearing my ring pop now.
[00:37:37] Susan: Okay. So now the second thing that I like are called air stimulators.
[00:37:42] Dave: What if you can’t get your finger out?
[00:37:44] Susan: Yeah, I know. You need some lube. I got some lube. Don’t worry, I’ll get it off.
[00:37:47] Dave: I’m using a different finger. All right.
[00:37:49] Susan: These are air stimulators. These are clitoral suckers.
[00:37:51] Dave: Okay, it just goes on the outside.
[00:37:53] Susan: This one has a G-spot vibrator with the sucker. And this is a blended orgasm, goes internal and external. Literally, when you have an orgasm with that thing, it’s the picture of your hair shooting straight up.
[00:38:07] Dave: What’s this one called?
[00:38:08] Susan: It’s called the Womanizer Duo.
[00:38:09] Dave: All right, so that’s on moredave.com.
[00:38:12] Susan: Yeah, it is.
[00:38:12] Dave: And guys, this isn’t meant to be like a Tupperware party. The idea here is that–
[00:38:17] Susan: You got to know what you’re going for.
[00:38:18] Dave: There’s a category, basically little suction things, like oral, and then there are small portable vibes that mostly just for your clit, right?
[00:38:25] Susan: Yeah, those are for your clit. Yeah.
[00:38:26] Dave: There’s two categories.
[00:38:27] Susan: They’re great for– yeah, two categories. Those are good for sneaking in during lovemaking. Get it right there on your clitoris while you’re being penetrated. Good blended orgasm that way. These are G-spot toys. So the G-spot is a very, very important part of the clitoral erectile tissue system. You’re making your bouquet. These rabbit vibrators, and they come in two sizes– this is the number one vibrator I tell women to start with.
[00:38:52] Dave: The rabbit?
[00:38:52] Susan: Yeah. Because it’s both internal, external. These are the Lady Bi and the Miss Bi. And, uh, they activate the entire vulva all at once, which really helps light up the brain and get the blood flowing. This is great for women who are like, I got divorced, and I’m back on the dating market, and I think my vagina’s fused shut. Suze, what do I do? This is called a pulsator or a thruster. And this one has a magnet in it that is very good for activating the vaginal canal. And I want to talk about the vagina. Let’s leave some time for talking about the vagina.
[00:39:30] Dave: I own that one. It works.
[00:39:31] Susan: You want me to turn it off for you?
[00:39:33] Dave: My whole bouquet is shaking here. People can probably hear this one. This is a magnet that’s shaking inside it, so you can see how my hand is vibrating. That’s not me doing it.
[00:39:42] Susan: That’s really good for getting the vagina going again.
[00:39:44] Dave: And now, if you’re a guy listening to this, going, what the heck? Would my partner ever want me again? Yes. This will only help, just to be really clear.
[00:39:53] Susan: Half of the women who came up to me after the fireside chat with Dave at the Biohacking conference said, oh my God, I sent moredave.com to my husband and told him, just pick three things, and make sure one is the lube. Other women came up to me and said, my husband won’t let me use toys during our lovemaking. What do I do?
[00:40:16] Dave: Oh, I know what to do. Just tell them they can’t use their mouth when they’re eating.
[00:40:20] Susan: Exactly. Next one is just your basic dildo. And then finally, there’s two more.
[00:40:27] Dave: How am I going to hold all these?
[00:40:28] Susan: You can do it. You’ve got giant hands. That’s my new wand. And I love that wand. It penetrates so deeply. It is not your mom’s old massager, ladies. This one, probably my number one favorite toy in the Dave bouquet. And then this is the one that captured your interest. Can you get it? That’s Licker. That’s like a motorboat for your clit. And I brought you one because I said–
[00:40:56] Dave: I’ve been needing one of these.
[00:40:57] Susan: I said, what do you like Dave? What which one do you want to tantalize all your new girlfriends now that you’re dating?
[00:41:05] Dave: All of them.
[00:41:05] Susan: There’s a waiting list, ladies, I’m sure. Waiting list. But I got this for you. This is a brand new Licker, which you can use on some of your dates, two or three of your ladies.
[00:41:19] Dave: Thank you. I appreciate that. I’m sure they will too.
[00:41:21] Susan: So this is your orgasmic cross-training. Eight different kinds of toys that activate different areas.
[00:41:27] Dave: Now guys, I want you to see, when I’m doing this, look at what my bicep does. So if you have enough toys– I’m actually cross-training my bicep with all of these.
[00:41:34] Susan: Looking sexy, Dave, I’ll tell you. You are looking so darn good.
[00:41:38] Dave: Look at all this.
[00:41:39] Susan: Okay, throw those over on your table. There’s no room on the table.
[00:41:42] Just stack them up there. It’ll be okay. It might fall off, but it’s okay.
[00:41:46] Dave: I still have this ring pop thing stuck on me.
[00:41:48] Susan: Yeah. Okay. So here’s for the men. There’s four different toys. Now, why aren’t there more toys for men?
[00:41:53] Dave: I dropped one.
[00:41:54] Susan: That’s the V fit. Yeah. So there’s strokers.
[00:41:58] Dave: I need something to stroke them on, like a demo here.
[00:42:02] Susan: This one, dolphin. That’s an approachable one.
[00:42:04] Dave: All right. This one, you would take it and pretty clearly wrap it around the shaft and turn it on. And it would vibrate. Now, most guys don’t know that they could use vibrators. And then you–
[00:42:15] Susan: The erectile tissue of a penis loves a vibration just as a vulva does. Also, those are very nice when you use that on your partner as you’re pleasuring them orally, and you add the vibration in, and you give them a double pleasuring experience. It’s super nice.
[00:42:33] Dave: This guy.
[00:42:33] Susan: That’s like a [Inaudible]. That’s the one that she can ride on top while he gets this little plate tickling his frenulum.
[00:42:40] Dave: Interesting.
[00:42:41] Susan: Yeah, so that’s a really fun intercourse assist, if you will. And then this one is really–
[00:42:48] Dave: I’m going to get this one. I’m ordering this from my own site. moredave.com.
[00:42:51] Susan: Okay, good. I’ll just get it for you, honey. This one is the one that is essentially for guys that are having erectile dysfunction. That’s a medical device. That’s called the Tenuto.
[00:43:03] Dave: Does it go like that?
[00:43:05] Susan: Yeah, you know how it works. Yeah, you’ll get it. And it is perineal stimulation for him, clitoral stimulation for her, and it holds the blood in his penis so that he can maintain a firm erection for penetration while he’s doing his sexual biohacking stack to rejuvenate the atrophy and reverse it so he can have good, strong erections of his own.
[00:43:28] Dave: This is actually really cool because a lot of guys don’t know this, but the penis extends back behind the balls down towards the perineum.
[00:43:35] Susan: Right. It’s twice as big as what you see.
[00:43:36] Dave: Yeah, it’s going to vibrate the bottom part. The perineal stimulation always feels good. It does. And then it’s going to constrict blood flow so that blood stays where it needs to be, and it’s going to vibrate for both– so this is actually a really smart idea.
[00:43:48] Susan: Isn’t that such a nice product to do, though?
[00:43:49] Dave: I haven’t tried it.
[00:43:50] Susan: They make really nice medical devices that are sex toys.
[00:43:53] Dave: I could see how this would work. Make it stuck in it.
[00:43:57] Susan: You can leave it in there, honey. I’ll get it later. Uh, I’ll get some lube. Um, lube solves everything. If you got band aids and lube, you’re good to go. So, uh, here are two penis rings. And the thing that couples tell me they do the worst is integrate toys into their lovemaking. And these are two rings that I like. This one is the Atom Plus Lux. If he needs extra stimulation, he gets perineal stimulation with that. If he’s worried about lasting long enough, this is the one just for her stimulation. And it traps blood in, which is nice.
[00:44:29] Dave: It traps blood in, and it vibrates up here, so it’s going to get–
[00:44:32] Susan: Gives her clitoral– it’s like a little rabbit on her.
[00:44:34] Dave: On both sides, that would probably feel really good.
[00:44:37] Susan: Really good. Yeah.
[00:44:39] Dave: As you can tell–
[00:44:40] Susan: And that’s remote control-operated too. So you can fight over the remote in bed now.
[00:44:44] Dave: I always like to press the remote and see if anyone in the room is wearing one and not telling me. I caught one.
[00:44:52] Susan: Shane’s vibrating.
[00:44:53] Dave: Shane.
[00:44:53] Susan: Shane. This is also remote control-activated. And that’s a prostate massager. So that goes inside.
[00:45:01] Dave: You mean a butt plug.
[00:45:03] Susan: It’s a vibrating butt plug. That’s what it is.
[00:45:05] Dave: Is anyone wearing one of these? Shane, again? My God, Shane.
[00:45:10] Susan: So this is a really nice tool for masturbation and intercourse. If you are, uh, with your partner and she’s maybe on top of you and riding you, and you’ve got that in, super nice.
[00:45:25] Dave: Yeah, because you’re going to enjoy it, and then it’s going to transmit the vibrations through your penis into her. So it turns you into a human vibrator.
[00:45:32] Susan: Nice. I like that. I love it.
[00:45:34] Dave: Or so I’ve heard.
[00:45:36] Susan: So last but not least, we’ve got to talk about the vagina. Please, take this balloon, Dave. I need to talk to you desperately about this now.
[00:45:44] Dave: My hands are full.
[00:45:45] Susan: I know. So there’s an artist. Did you ever see the vagina wall that was that bar relief of all those vaginas, the different vulvas? Yeah.
[00:45:55] Dave: Where people did molds of them.
[00:45:57] Susan: Molds of them. That’s an artist named Jamie McCartney. No relation to Paul. And he had to change it. Now the name of that art piece is Vagina Wall, Strikethrough, Vulva Wall. Because somebody clued Jamie in to the fact that the vulva is the outside and the vagina’s just the inside. And I think that a lot of the issues of that gasm chasm, the orgasm gap, the difficulty that women have achieving orgasmic intercourse, and how easy it is for guys.
[00:46:26] Guys have the other end of the spectrum problem, where they have performance anxiety, they’re worried about premature ejaculation, they feel like they come too fast, where women are struggling to have orgasms. I think a lot of that comes from not understanding all the vulval activation and sensory pleasure that she needs prior to penetration. Number one. Number two, we think about the vagina as being an inside out penis, a reverse penis, like it’s a sheath. It’s a canal. It’s a tube.
[00:46:57] Dave: I never thought of that. That seems horrifying to me.
[00:46:59] Susan: That’s what a lot of people would imagine. And so what Jamie McCartney just did was castings of the vagina. So the vagina is basically a flat little pocket that looks like this unblown up balloon. It has a little round sphincter hole, a little neck, and this bulbous end. And in a vagina, the cervix pops down here on the top, in the back, and it puts a dimple in it, a depression in there from the cervix and the uterus. This is what a vagina looks like. Exactly. And it gets bigger when it gets engorged. When it gets turned on and aroused, it tenses.
[00:47:41] Dave: I just wanted to put it in my mouth. I don’t know why. I made her laugh.
[00:47:45] Susan: And of course, you know what that is too.
[00:47:51] Dave: I know what that is too.
[00:47:52] Susan: Exactly. But what’s great about it is that Jamie finally showed us what a vagina looks like. And the point that I want to make about this is that this whole conversation, if you net out everything we’ve been talking about, it’s really that we have erectile tissue that needs to get filled up with blood, and that the skin of the vagina, the vaginal mucosal lining, doesn’t necessarily want the friction that the penis wants. You know how you could stroke a penis, and stroke the skin, or you could stroke a penis and stroke the meat of the penis and that would feel better. Think about that in terms of the vagina.
[00:48:34] Dave: Interesting.
[00:48:34] Susan: Instead of just the old in and out, that’s friction, which isn’t the friend of the vaginal mucosal lining. It’s a little too much, especially if you’re in your 60s and you’re trying to have the hottest sex of your life and you’re a sexual biohacker. You’ve got a little bit more fragility there. So what you want is your partner to be a spelunker.
[00:48:57] What you want to do is have them go inside the balloon and touch the vagina 360 degrees all around with their penis, with their fingers, with toys, whatever, and go beyond just the skin to the meat of our body, to the abdomen, to the womb, to the tissue that’s on the other side of that skin. So on the roof of the vagina is the urethral sponge. That’s the G-spot. It’s not a spot. It’s a long tube. It wants you to go beyond the vagina and press into the body–
[00:49:32] Dave: Like a massage.
[00:49:32] Susan: And stroke that tissue. Exactly. On the bottom of the vagina is the perineal sponge. That’s our third erectile tissue chamber. It’s between the rectum and the vaginal canal, right in the neck of the balloon. Go in there and press down, and there’s that tissue that gets all full of blood. And then on the sides of the vagina, there are all our pudendal nerves that run all the way down our legs and that innervate the whole vaginal area.
[00:50:03] Those love to be stroked, not just the cervix, past the G-spot, which is not a spot. It’s the top of the vagina. There’s the cervix that loves pressure. And beyond there into the deep areas of the vagina, and not just to the end of the vagina but beyond. It’s that martial art thing, Hapkido, where they break the bricks. They don’t hit the brick. They kick or chop through the brick.
[00:50:31] So you’re not thinking about penetrating a vagina and going in and out. What you’re thinking about is going in there and really activating all that tissue. So that woman who’s worried that her husband’s penis is going to get too big when he uses the Whopper pump doesn’t have to worry. She has to learn how to open to the pleasure of all of that stimulation inside the vagina. So my next book, Orgasmic Intercourse, is all the techniques, all the intercourse techniques, that you can use and learn that aren’t just the er, er, er, er, which is why she’s not having orgasms because it’s not an inside out penis.
[00:51:17] Dave: Wow, there’s a lot to learn there.
[00:51:20] Susan: I know. Thank you.
[00:51:23] Dave: You spent 20 years studying this.
[00:51:25] Susan: Yeah.
[00:51:26] Dave: And we’ve talked about this. But there’s a lot to learn there. We’ve talked about this just over dinner and things because we’ve known each other for a long time. And I know you’ve been studying and studying, and I’ve watched you get younger and really step into it fully. So I think most women don’t know what you just talked about.
[00:51:43] And most men, even more, don’t know about that. But there’s something else that happens sometimes in men, but more often in women, and it’s some of those parts get numbed out. So when they’re first awakening, it actually feels like pain, but it’s not actually pain. You’re going to perceive it that way, but it’s the body saying, I’ve never been touched, or I forgot how to be touched here. Therefore fear. And then once you relax into it, you surrender, you go, oh wait, that wasn’t pain at all. That was a new sensation. And it turns out it was pleasure. How do people get into that?
[00:52:19] Susan: Yeah. There’s a new study that just came out. It was, I think, 44 women, they were touched in various places on their body and were asked to say what they liked and what they didn’t like. And they touched them on their nipples and breasts. They touched them on their clitoris. They touched them on their vaginal opening, the [Inaudible] sphincter. And they touched them inside the vagina on the cervix.
[00:52:45] And it was so interesting to me because when they said, why doesn’t it feel good– if they said, oh, that doesn’t feel good, why doesn’t it feel good, most women said, I feel ashamed. I’ve been touched there poorly. Or I’ve never been touched there. It feels weird. And what I thought was interesting about it was that 50% of women said that touching the vaginal opening was pleasurable. Only 40% said touching the clitoris was pleasurable. And I think that’s because, and this is interesting, you talked about orgasmic birth. So I was my girlfriend’s orgasmic birth partner last year. And I gave her yoni massages through her entire pregnancy.
[00:53:24] Dave: What a gift.
[00:53:25] Susan: It was a beautiful experience for both of us. And when you give orgasms, you’re having them. You’re receiving the gift of giving. I was having the orgasms with her. And we were having a very lovely time doing this. And I was opening her. And I remember one of the first times I gave her a yoni massage, she said, wow, I’ve literally never been touched in those places by anyone in my life. And I’m 45 years old. I’ve only ever been touched briskly on my clitoris and then penetrated.
[00:53:56] And so when I read that study, I said, oh, okay. These women are armored or numbed because they’ve literally never been touched the right way. So how do you get over it? You move through it. You use toys. You use love. You connect your hearts. You slow down. You get some great lube. You use pleasure. You hold safe space. And you allow your woman to open. And you allow your man to open. Because he’s never been touched in a lot of those places. And shame is equally, the sexual burden of our culture for all people, not just women.
[00:54:33] Dave: If you take it straight back to biohacking, each cell has little sensors inside it, and the first thing we talked about, fear. And what do we do with fear? Well, we fight, or we freeze. And when they’re armoring, that’s a form of fighting, and then there’s freezing, numbing out, which is the freezing part of the fear response. So it’s no wonder that someone touched you, either maybe without your consent or just in a way that was, we’ll say, uneducated.
[00:55:04] Susan: Or just made you ashamed about your genitals and being touched. You never even got touched poorly. You’ve never been touched.
[00:55:09] Dave: Right. I think that might be a different one where maybe there’s some shame, but also there’s just a, I don’t know what the sensation is. But if it’s one of those first two, I don’t know if a toy is going to fix that. So what do you do if you know this is going on, or you think it might be going on, or if your partner has that going on? Give me some advanced knowledge here.
[00:55:28] Susan: Sure. I have a lot of videos on yoni massage.
[00:55:33] Dave: It’s so powerful. Yeah. I know how to do that.
[00:55:36] Susan: It’s incredible. And they’re at betterlover.com. That’s my publishing entities, and they’re free. And so I would start with learning how to give a yoni massage. There’s some basics. One is starting from the outside and working your way in. So I call it the bull’s eye touch technique because the male testosterone-dominant homo sapien, we’re back to him, he’s full speed ahead. I want to achieve the goal. That’s his thing. So he to rubber clip and stick it in. And that’s what’s happened to her her whole life. And so she no longer wants to be touched because of it.
[00:56:14] And so when he starts from the outside in and he touches her, he strokes her hair, and he holds her, and he adores her, and he worships her, and he makes her feel calm, arousal begins in relaxation. So you don’t want to be like, what buttons do I push? What dials do I spin? You want to be like, how can I make her feel safe, and held, and comfortable to have whatever experience she’s going to have in this moment?
[00:56:37] You just have to be super dropped into your presence around that. That’s the first thing. And then slowly working your way from the outside, the groin, the belly, the outer labia, the inner vestibule, the mons, the clitoral hood, long before you penetrate, long before, and you ask her if you may come inside.
[00:56:59] Dave: Those are really, really important things. Just slow down, and touch everything. And this likes to be needed. This likes to be stroked. How to touch below the skin, into the meat of the body. There’s all kinds of touch techniques I give in my yoni massage videos. Yeah. And you want to pair that with deep breathing from both partners. And really importantly, that study, the 44 women, if they’d have waited a week and asked the same women, they would have all answered the questions differently because you guys aren’t consistent in the slightest.
[00:57:31] So it’s like today, it does that feel good because where you are in your cycle changes how sensitive your nipples are. Exactly. And sometimes you want it really hard, and sometimes it has to be feather light. And it’s not about the person. It’s about where the person is on their stress levels and where they are in their cycle.
[00:57:45] Susan: Yes. Sleep, stress, sugar, food, body image, everything. Yeah. And even after menopause, we still cycle, even if we don’t bleed.
[00:57:52] Dave: Right. So I just always ask. I’m like, does that feel good today?
[00:57:56] Susan: Exactly.
[00:57:56] Dave: Because yesterday it did, but today it might not. So you get the feedback, and then a woman has to feel safe at saying what she wants. And that’s a whole other conversation. But these are things where removing shame, which is a lot of what you’re doing, the intent of this episode, and then having the tech.
[00:58:12] Oh my God. Now, when you touch it, it gets all wet and juicy. Whereas before, it just shrank away in terror and dryness. And so you can physically do it. You can make the tissues nourished so that they can then respond to the touch. And then you need a partner who’s educated in how to touch, in how to not go too fast, and all that.
[00:58:32] Susan: Just touch yourself.
[00:58:34] Dave: There you go.
[00:58:35] Susan: You can awaken your own–
[00:58:36] Dave: You absolutely can.
[00:58:37] Susan: Sensuality.
[00:58:38] Dave: So this is a call out to you as a biohacker, whether you’re a woman biohacker, man biohacker. This is part of the playing field of biohacking, and it’s one that’s hard to talk about, especially on Instagram, because they’re like the biggest prudes ever. But it’s something that’s really important.
[00:58:54] Susan: Thanks for having me for that.
[00:58:55] Dave: I’ve got my food dialed in. I know how to eat. And when I eat, I feel so good. Maybe some of that new energy can go into the other F word because it’s worth it.
[00:59:03] Susan: Having incredible sex and incredible 20 kinds of orgasms. Just start there. On moredave.com, there’s a link called the Sex Life Bucket List. I list all 20 kinds of male and female orgasms as a part of that, as well as 48 different erotic play dates, so you can see what things you want to do next in your sex life.
[00:59:24] Everybody’s at a different place, and so what I found is that people like techniques and bedroom communication skills, but what they’re looking for are fun ideas to do together or solo. And so that’s what the Sex Life Bucket List is. It has all that on it. So that’s an additional resource to go a little deeper into, okay, I’m not sure what I want. Okay. Here’s 48 ideas. Maybe you can pick out one of those.
[00:59:47] Dave: I love it. And there’s so much to be done here. And it doesn’t matter if you’re single. It doesn’t matter if you’re celibate. You can still do this stuff.
[00:59:59] Susan: Or in a triad or quad.
[01:00:01] Dave: Exactly.
[01:00:02] Susan: And a fivesome or whatever.
[01:00:04] Dave: Or if you’ve been married for 30 plus years, and you’re strictly monogamous. It just doesn’t matter. This is an area of biohacking that I think matters. You’re not going to show up in the world the way you can if you’ve managed to conquer your fear, and you’ve got the perfect diet, and you made it hit all the time, and you don’t have a good love life. It’s part of what you can control in the environment around you.
[01:00:27] Susan: Makes you live longer.
[01:00:28] Dave: Yeah. And it’s fun anyway. And what’s the point of life without fun?
[01:00:31] Susan: Exactly.
[01:00:32] Dave: Susan–
[01:00:33] Susan: I’ve had fun.
[01:00:34] Dave: Uh, I’ve had fun too.
[01:00:35] Susan: Always, Dave.
[01:00:35] Dave: Thanks for being on The Human Upgrade. Guys, Susan put together moredave.com, which has a link to all the resources.
[01:00:42] Susan: Everything we showed and talked about.
[01:00:43] Dave: Yeah. Seriously, pick a couple toys. And guys, go to moredave. com and get the pumps. And I recommend the electric one, or just get the hand one. I actually travel with the hand pump, and the TSA is like, what is that? I’m like, do you really want me to tell you? So there you go. But it does work, and it works noticeably, and it works pretty quickly, in about 10 weeks. 20 minutes, two, three times a week. You can do it, and you and your partner or partners will really be grateful you did.
[01:01:15] Susan: Love it. Just like I love you.
[01:01:17] Dave: Aw, thanks, Susan. I love you too.
[01:01:19] Susan: Thank you, sweetheart. Thanks for having me, and thanks for being willing to broach the subject of expanding our sexual pleasure.
[01:01:25] Dave: Absolutely.
[01:01:25] Susan: And our sex span.
[01:01:26] Dave: See you guys later.
[01:01:27] Susan: Bye.