How to Master Your Emotions – Joan Rosenberg #602

June 20, 2019 by Dave Asprey

How to Forgive Yourself and Let Go of the Negativity Holding You Back

June 20, 2019 by Dave Asprey

[tldr]

One of the cheapest biohacks that’s available to everyone is learning how to forgive yourself and others.
Negative thoughts and stress create physiological responses — changes in heart rate, respiration, hormone release — that are easy to recover from in small doses, and cause real damage with constant exposure over time.
Re-framing false stories about yourself and others is powerful stuff. You’ll treat yourself and others better, you’ll be happier, and you’ll be a more magnetic person to be around.
Here’s how to train yourself to look for the positive in everyone and everything.

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They call it baggage for a reason.

The anger, the hurt, the resentment you carry around with you weighs you down, holds you back, and keeps you from becoming the badass you were meant to be.

I’m not just talking about feeling down because your mindset is in a bad place. Sure, negative feelings and thoughts weigh on your mind, but it doesn’t stop there. Negativity and stress create physiological responses — changes in heart rate, respiration, hormone release — that are easy to recover from in small doses, and cause real damage with constant exposure over time.

Unpleasant emotions are a part of life. In an episode of Bulletproof Radio (iTunes), emotional expert Joan Rosenberg, Ph.D. explains that it’s crucial that you experience your negative emotions.

“So that rather than feeling like you’re falling apart, or you’re unraveling, or you have to shut down, what you’re able to do is actually to stay present to what you’re experiencing in the moment, and then not do anything to try to get away from it. No avoidance, no distraction, no disconnection. And you move through it,” she recommends.

The good news is, you’re a biohacker, so you’re in control here. Your thoughts are inputs, just like food and supplements. So, how do you load up your plate with some thoughts and close the fridge on others?

Waking up and saying, “I’m going choose to be happy today” is a start, but it only takes you so far. It takes practice to shove your thoughts out of the driver’s seat and take control so that negativity doesn’t control you.

Here’s how to do it.

Identify the stories you tell yourself (aka stop lying to yourself)

Your brain is lazy. That’s not meant to be an insult. What I mean is, your brain plows through a huge portion of your body’s energy, so it takes the path of least resistance whenever possible to conserve resources.

One of your brain’s favorite shortcuts is using a story over and over. It’s an efficient system when you’re telling good stories, but sometimes your brain decides to ride on a train of lies.

An example of a story: I’m stupid.

How your brain recycles this story: I can’t study for this exam because I’m stupid. My business isn’t taking off because I’m stupid. I got passed over for that promotion because I’m stupid.

This kind of story you tell yourself is so common that it has its own category: limiting beliefs.

Identifying your own limiting beliefs is one of the most powerful life hacks you can do, and it’s free. It’s so powerful that I have an entire section on it in my new book “Game Changers: What Leaders, Innovators, and Mavericks Do to Win at Life”. Any time you think you can’t do something because of a character flaw, or that some attribute you have is holding you back, you’re up against a limiting belief.

Limiting beliefs can be so strong that you think they’re as set-in-stone as your height or eye color. It’s your job to recognize when you’re lying to yourself and change it. For example…

I’m not stupid. I need to organize the material better so that I can learn it for the exam. I’m going to make an outline so that I can break this all down into digestible chunks.

I’m not stupid. I’m new at this business. Every great entrepreneur has several mentors. Time to start looking for one.

Jim turned heads with his last presentation. His stellar report was fresh in the leadership’s mind, and that’s probably why he was promoted over me. If I keep up my performance, I’m a shoe-in for advancement next quarter.

Instead of letting your brain recycle these stories, it’s up to you to introduce new ones and intentionally use them as much as possible. Then, your brain will recycle those ones instead of your limiting beliefs.

How to forgive others

Self-pity is one of many forms of heavy, negative thinking. Another big one is being angry with people or situations.

You’re not going to get through life (or even a few months) without pissing someone off at some level or getting pissed off at someone else. It’s part of human interaction. It’s how you deal with it that makes the difference.

When you encounter a negative situation, your nervous system reacts the same way it reacts if you were being chased by a pack of coyotes. Once your (lazy!) brain decides something threatened your safety, it goes into the “danger” bucket. Your brain recycles information for efficiency, so once your brain labels something a danger, it’s tough to disassociate that label.

How does that play out in life?

If someone bumped into you in the hallway, and you perceived it as a shove, you’re going to label that person as aggressive and put your guard up. If you got triple the workload of your colleagues, you might perceive it as others trying to skate by at your expense.

It’s easy to fall into an “everyone’s out to get me” mode of thinking. With the exception of a few a-holes, most people want to get along. That means most of the time, when you think someone slighted you on purpose, they didn’t. A lot of the time, the stories you’re telling yourself about others’ rudeness, shortness, etc. are simply made-up.

When you start to feel this way, try to come up with reasons why people treated you in certain ways. Fight fire with fire — make up your own crazy positive stories instead of defaulting to the screwball negative ones. Pick a story that allows you to empathize with their rude or mean behavior.

It can be realistic: Liz didn’t realize that I had this other project going on at work, and that’s why she gave me extra tasks.

Or it can be a little outlandish: Jerry had food poisoning and had to get to a bathroom, so he wasn’t paying attention and bumped into me in the hallway.

The story you come up with can be pretty out-there, as long as it allows you to see that there may be reasons the other person acted the way they did, that had nothing to do with you.

Because it probably had nothing to do with you.

The missing piece to true forgiveness: gratitude

Saying you forgive a person or that you’re “letting go” helps. True forgiveness, where you combine forgiveness and letting go with a sense real gratitude for having experienced it, has a positive effect on you at the cellular level. Feeling thankful for crappy situations literally rewires your brain to dissolve negative feelings about the situation, to feel happier in the moment, and with practice, you’re training your mind to look for satisfaction and even joy in every situation.

Now, you have a little bit of homework. Here’s how to spin a positive light on every situation.

How to practice effective forgiveness for positive thinking

Here are a few easy exercises you can do to reroute your negative patterns of thinking. I’ve listed a few examples to get your gears turning.

In a few words, describe the worst thing that has ever happened to you.

My parent died when I was a teenager.

The bank repossessed my house when I lost my job after my company restructured.

I wasted four years on the worst relationship of my life.

Now, list one good thing that resulted from it. Dig deep until you find a way to feel gratitude for it.

Losing my parent at a young age gave me incredible perspective throughout young adulthood. Unlike a lot of my peers, I had the life experience to understand what real problems look like, so I didn’t have to get caught up in the insignificant worries that people in their late teens and early twenties experience. That level of emotional maturity launched me forward in my first job.

I wouldn’t have challenged myself to learn a new skill set that makes me more marketable if I had stayed with the former company. I’m with a new company now that’s much more solid, and I met some of my best friends in my new neighborhood.

Having dated that loser, I recognize red flags when I see them. My dating life is much healthier now.

Describe a situation in which someone was rude to you, short with you, or otherwise slighted you.

That guy cut me off in traffic. He’s being such a jerk to me.

It’s like my nurse doesn’t even care. I rang the call button almost an hour ago. He’s totally ignoring me.

Now, come up with a few possible reasons why the way that person treated you had nothing to do with you. It doesn’t have to be real.

That crazy driver’s wife is in the ER right now having a miscarriage and he wants to be there for her. I am grateful that I could get out of the way, and I hope he gets through this traffic jam soon.

The nurse was having a difficult conversation with the family next door and providing emotional support when they needed it most. I am grateful to do my part by giving them space. I can see that my nurse is working hard and he’ll get to my room when he can.

Make a list of people or situations that make you feel anger or resentment whenever you think of them. Bonus points if you feel the physical effects of anger when you think of these people or things. It’s a strong signal that this is a good situation to work through.

My kids adore their grandparents, but they come dead last on my parents’ priority list and that breaks my heart for them.

Dwight totally hijacked my big work project to get the boss’ attention, and he’s ruining it for the whole team.

Do these stress-busting breathing techniques to return to a good state. Then, list at least one reason to be grateful for these negative interactions.

Uninterested grandparents made it really easy for my family to relocate for a better work opportunity and better area for the kids to grow up in. This move is shaking my kids’ world enough as it is, and I am grateful that their relationship with their grandparents won’t change much or add to the stress.

Having that project off of my plate frees me up to focus on this other project that is really taking off. Plus, I am grateful that I didn’t get an ounce of blame for that disaster.

Positive thinking, gratitude, and forgiveness aren’t things that happen in a day. It takes practice. You train it like a muscle. In time, it will come naturally, and you’ll find yourself happier, less stressed, less distracted by things like anger and resentment. Start today, and see how you feel next week.

You can start re-wiring your brain right now. Download your free printable positive thinking and forgiveness worksheet here.

17 Proven Ways to Heal Your Gut Microbiome

June 20, 2019 by Team Asprey

[tldr]

Your gut microbiome is involved in nearly every aspect of your health, so you want to pay attention to the trillions of microbes living in and on you.
Ways to reduce damage and promote good gut microbiome health include: avoiding gut-damaging behavior, staying away from certain foods, and taking a gut microbiome test.

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Your gut microbiome is involved in nearly every aspect of your health. So, if you want to feel better, have more energy, and improve your overall well-being, you’ve got to pay attention to the trillions of microbes living in and on you.

Your richest population of microbes by far is found in your gut. This is great news because your gut microbes are heavily affected by your diet and behavior – meaning you have a lot of influence over the activity of your gut microbe population, also called the gut microbiota.

These little guys are your body’s natural pharmacy: they help you digest your food, influence your mood, and even help you maintain a healthy weight. The science of the gut microbiome has given us new insight into what it means to be healthy. We now know that to truly be healthy, we must take the right steps not only for ourselves, but also for our microbiomes.

Let’s take a closer look at how you can reduce damage and promote good gut microbiome health with 17 science-backed ways to heal your gut microbiome.

Avoid gut-damaging behavior

The following are 4 gut-damaging factors, according to science.

1. NSAIDS

Nonsteroidal anti-inflammatory drugs (NSAIDs) such as aspirin and ibuprofen influence the composition of the gut microbiome.[ref url=”https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/26482265″] NSAIDs also increase intestinal permeability (leaky gut) in as little as 24 hours after ingestion.[ref url=”https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/19148789″]

NSAIDs are a double whammy when it comes to your gut health. So, when it comes to taking Advil for your headache, you should ask yourself – is it really worth it?

Order your Viome Gut Intelligence test for $199 (aff link)

2. Antibiotics

Antibiotics are another medication we need to be better about weighing the costs against the benefits. While there are times when it’s necessary to take antibiotics, as a society we use them far too liberally.

Because antibiotics don’t discriminate between the microbes they blast through, you are killing both good and bad bacteria when you take a dose.[ref url=”https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/27028893″] Antibiotics are like a nuclear bomb for your gut microbiome, which can cause consequences like dysbiosis to last for years after you take them.

3. Stress

There are many lines of communication between your gut microbiome and brain along the vagus nerve through the immune system, gut hormone signalling, tryptophan signalling, and microbial metabolites.[ref url=”https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/29276734″] Through these pathways, stress can have a significant effect on gut microbiome composition and intestinal permeability. On the flip side, dysbiosis and leaky gut can contribute to low-grade inflammation and potentially contribute to stress-related psychiatric disorders.[ref url=”https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4604320/”]

This cyclical gut-brain axis takes stress reduction to the next level. Not only should you try to reduce daily stress through exercise, mindfulness, and meditation, but you’ll also benefit from working to improve your mental health through your gut health.

4. Smoking

Hopefully, you aren’t smoking. But if you are, here’s yet another reason to quit. Smoking changes the composition of the microbiome. Some studies have found that the changes in the gut microbiome caused by smoking resemble the microbiomes of people with conditions like inflammatory bowel disease and obesity.[ref url=”https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/29626219″]

Yikes.This means if you’re smoking, you can be causing shifts in your gut microbiome towards disease states.

Avoid gut-damaging foods

The following are three gut-damaging foods, according to science. Remember, there could be more foods to add to this list depending on your unique gut microbiome.

5. Sugar

You may have heard by now that sugar can wreak havoc on your gut. High-sugar diets alter gut microbiome composition and function.[ref url=”https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1379072/”] Bad bacteria and other microbes like the fungus Candida albican love sugars. When you reduce your sugar intake, you reduce the food supply to harmful gut microbes.

Western diets are extremely high in refined sugar due in part to the hidden sugars in so many processed foods. When you lower your sugar intake make sure there isn’t any hiding in your favorite sauces, condiments, and more.

6. Artificial sweeteners

Artificial sweeteners are sometimes thought to be a better alternative to sugar due to the lack of calories. But when it comes to your gut health, artificial sweeteners are bad news. Artificial sweeteners are capable of inducing dysbiosis and contributing to metabolic abnormalities. Artificial sweeteners also promote glucose intolerance through changing the composition and functions of the gut microbiota.[ref url=”https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4377866/”]

In an effort to lose weight you might have switched to artificial sweeteners, but science shows this may be doing you more harm than good.

7. GMO foods

When it comes to genetically modified organisms or GMOs, the problem lies in the fact they’ve been modified to withstand the harsh chemicals that are being sprayed on them. Specifically, GMOs are made to withstand glyphosate, more commonly known as Roundup.

Essentially, when you eat GMO food you run the risk of consuming glyphosate and glyphosate contributes to dysbiosis and leaky gut.[ref url=”https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4841035/”]

How to Increase Good Bacteria in the Gut Naturally

Below are 10 factors that can positively impact your gut microbiome.Most of these are pretty easy to implement. Let’s get real about gut health!

8. Take a gut microbiome test

Taking a gut microbiome test to learn about your personal gut health is a great way to gain profound insights and personalized recommendations. While there are many gut microbiome tests on the market, Viome is the only test with RNA sequencing technology that can see down to the strain level, and it includes the metabolites being produced by your gut microbes. Viome uses artificial intelligence analysis to develop personalized food recommendations so you can put your individual findings into action.

Learn more about Viome’s Gut Intelligence Test – Now only $199 (aff link)

9. Get dirty

Decades ago, many more people used to live on farms. However, we gradually move to the cities and with that move we’ve lost microbial diversity in our day-to-day lives.[ref url=”https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/25231862″] Research on how certain environments impact the health of the gut finds that microbe-rich environments like farms have a protective effect on the gut microbiome.[ref url=”https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3945755/”]

This suggests that to counterbalance city life, we should take opportunities to play outside in nature more. Not only is nature beautiful and enjoyable, it can also increase the good bacteria in the gut.

10. Exercise

We know exercise is good for us, but the way in which it affects the gut microbiome composition and metabolic activity is yet another reason for us to exercise regularly. Exercise increases the number of beneficial microbial species, enriches diversity, and specifically promotes commensal bacteria.[ref url=”https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/18089942″] Commensal bacteria are those that we derive certain nutrients from, making them extra good for us.

Exercise isn’t just good for you, it’s good for the health of your microbes too!

11. Stick to a schedule

You probably think of your circadian rhythm as your sleep and wake cycle, but it’s much more than that. Your whole body runs on internal circadian rhythms that keep you healthy when they stay on time. Your gut microbiome has a delicate microbial rhythm as well, which is regulated by what you eat and when you eat it. When timing is thrown off, like when you change time zones or work a graveyard shift, it can contribute to diseases.

When you stick to a healthy schedule, this can significantly impact your metabolism and immune system homeostasis.[ref url=”https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5635058/”]

12. Get a dog

Exposing children to household pets has been shown to reduce allergies and obesity.[ref url=”https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5357536/”] These fascinating findings are believed to be because pets increase gut microbiome diversity. Pets do more than just bring us immense joy, making it a good idea to get a furry friend for your family.

13. Improve your home microbiome

Now that we know how important microbes are to our health, it’s no surprise that we are finding the microbes of the home are also important.[ref url=”https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/27793218″] That’s right, your home also has a microbiome. A few things can be done to improve the microbiome of your home, including avoiding harsh cleaning products, getting an air filter, checking for mold, and even using home probiotics.

14. Get veggies from your local farm

Buying your vegetables from a local, organic farm could be good for your gut microbiome because they are more likely to be grown in soil rich with microbes. It appears that gut microbes and soil microbes share evolutionary trends.[ref url=”https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5382463/”] Eating vegetables grown in healthy soil can help gut microbiome health through increasing diversity and richness.

15. Vaginal birth

While you don’t have much say over how you were born, the delivery method plays a big role in the formation of the gut microbiome for future children. It’s ideal if babies are delivered vaginally because this helps build a strong and resilient gut microbiome.[ref url=”https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3661444/”]

If you had to have a cesarean section – fear not! You can help your baby build a strong gut microbiome with baby probiotics and possibly vaginal swabbing.[ref url=”https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3536091/”] Vagina swabbing is a relatively new concept and should not be done on your own. Some hospitals are putting it into practice, so be sure to bring it up with your doctor.

16. Breastfeeding

Breastfeeding is another important time for gut microbiome development.[ref url=”https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/23926244/”] There is bacteria in a mother’s breast milk that seeds the gut and helps strengthen the immune system. We’ve come to realize that breastfeeding is not only important for nutrient delivery but also for gut microbiome health, setting a child up for a healthier life.

17. Sleep well

Poor sleep can change the composition of the gut microbiome and negatively impact health.[ref url=”https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/26828196″] It’s important that you’re not only getting plenty of sleep, but also that your sleep is high quality. We tend to focus on getting between 7 to 8 hours of sleep each night, but if your sleep is interrupted this can prevent your body from going into the deepest, most healing stages of sleep. Things like snoring, interrupted breathing, and sleeping with a pet can all negatively impact your quality of sleep.

The great gut microbiome diet myth

You probably noticed there aren’t any specific foods listed thus far. But if you were to do a quick Google search you’d probably see some of the following:

Fiber
Fermented foods
Bone broth
Yogurt

Truth is, there are no “best foods for the gut microbiome.” Remember, your gut microbiome is unique to you and therefore your ideal diet is going to be one-of-a-kind. Having a healthy gut microbiome is dependent on diversity, so try and incorporate plenty of organic vegetables into your diet to cover your bases.[ref url=”https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/28492938″] Also, consider getting a gut microbiome test that is designed to help increase microbial diversity, like Viome (aff link).

Probiotics are also not on this list because although they’ve been found to be helpful in many cases, it’s likely that they should also be individualized in the same way your diet should. Also, there are tons of variations in quality, strain, and outcome. So be sure to do your research if you take probiotics and make sure you’re taking the right one for you.

The potential for improving your health through your gut microbiome is proving to be exciting and powerful science. One thing is for sure, your gut microbiome is unique and therefore future health advice must be personalized to reflect these scientific findings. Order your Viome Gut Intelligence test for $199 (aff link).

Bacteria Found in Dirt May Bust Stress, Finds New Study

June 19, 2019 by Dave Asprey

There’s a reason kids love playing in the mud and babies are always putting their dirty hands and feet in their mouthes. They instinctively know that dirt is beneficial. Dirt is full of bacteria that help keep your own good gut bacteria thriving.

Now scientists have found that one of these strains of bacteria living in soil may protect against stress.

In a new study, researchers from the University of Colorado Boulder isolated a fatty acid called 10(Z)-hexadecenoic acid from the soil bacterium Mycobacterium vaccae to see how it interacted with immune cells. They found that the fat blocked pathways that lead to inflammation and cause stress.

“We think there is a special sauce driving the protective effects in this bacterium, and this fat is one of the main ingredients in that special sauce,” says senior author and Integrative Physiology Professor Christopher Lowry in a statement.

The researchers hope to use the bacteria to develop a “stress vaccine” to treat post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

Dirt really can make you happier

In my book “Game Changers,” I talk about the benefits of mycobacterium vaccae on mood. Previous research shows that this specific strain of bacteria has improved the quality of life in cancer patients. In a 2004 study, lung cancer patients at the Royal Marsden Hospital in London were happier, showed more vitality, and had stronger cognitive functioning after being injected with the soil bacteria.[ref url=”https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/15151947″]

In another study, scientists injected mice with the same bacteria, and found that it boosted serotonin levels in a similar way to antidepressants.[ref url=”https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1868963/”]

“The idea is that as humans have moved away from farms and an agricultural or hunter-gatherer existence into cities, we have lost contact with organisms that served to regulate our immune system and suppress inappropriate inflammation,” says Lowry. “That has put us at higher risk for inflammatory disease and stress-related psychiatric disorders.”

So don’t be afraid to get dirty. Get outside, run around barefoot, or take up gardening. Discover more ways to tap into the natural world for a happier and healthier gut.

Low Libido? Try These Science-Backed Ways to Boost Your Sex Drive

June 19, 2019 by Dave Asprey

Libido is simply your sex drive — how often you think about sex and physical intimacy throughout the course of any given day.
Since sex carries with it physical, emotional, and biological elements, there are a zillion things that affect your libido.
What can you do to help increase a low sex drive? Finding out what sparks your interest in sex involves a little trial and error. Keep reading to find ways to boost your low libido.

Sex is an important part of being human, and everybody deserves a satisfying sex life. But, what happens when you lose interest in sex? In addition to losing a part of your life that you once enjoyed, your relationship could suffer.

Everyone experiences a rut in their sex life from time to time. Read on to find out what might be causing it and what to do to find your mojo again.

What is libido?

Libido is simply your sex drive — how often you think about sex and intimacy throughout the course of any given day.

Of course, your sex drive changes from day to day, even hour to hour. Fluctuations in libido largely depend on what you’re doing. Most likely, sex is far from your mind when you’re visiting your grandma or giving a big presentation at work, but if you’re relaxing on vacation with your honey, naked time pops into your head a lot more often.

So, when you’re considering how strong your sex drive is, it’s a general sense of how much you want to have a pants-off dance-off over a typical week or two — not necessarily how much you thought about it this morning.

What causes low sex drive?

Since sex carries with it physical, emotional, and biological elements, there are a zillion things that affect your sexual desire. Here are some of the more common reasons why you may have little to no interest in sex these days.

The testosterone, hormonal birth control and low sex drive connection

You probably think of testosterone as the male hormone, but that’s only part of the story. Women have testosterone, too, and while it’s not enough to sprout a mustache or pop an Adam’s apple, you need to have just enough to keep your mojo humming.

Birth control pills and other hormonal contraceptives contain a ton of synthetic estrogen. When your body realizes that all this estrogen-like stuff is pumping through your system, your liver responds by sending out a surge of sex hormone binding globulin (SHBG), a protein that snaps up excess sex hormones so that they don’t wreak havoc on your body.

SHBG doesn’t know that it’s responding specifically to estrogen. Once released, it indiscriminately snaps up all the estrogen, testosterone, and dihydrotestosterone it can hang onto. You’ll still have some hormones left, but your levels will fall considerably — except estrogen, because a daily hormonal contraceptive delivers a fresh surge of estrogen every day.

Your SHBG levels drop back down after you quit the pill or other hormonal contraceptive, but studies show that even just six months of use is enough to keep your levels elevated long after you’ve stopped. In fact, one study shows elevated levels over six months after stopping.[ref url=”https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/16409223″] If you have too much SHBG eating up that little bit of testosterone that you need to keep libido in normal range, you’ll end up minimally interested in sex.

The longer you’re off of hormonal birth control, the more likely your body is to approach normal hormone functioning. When you’re coming off of birth control, you’ll want to keep your liver happy by keeping your toxic load low, so it’s a good time to clean up your diet and your environment.

Other sources of libido-sapping hormones

You’re exposed to hormones from countless outside sources every single day. The hormones that farmers administer to animals make their way into your dairy, meat, and water supply, which trips SHBG production just like the pill does. You can also find endocrine disruptors and estrogen-mimicking chemicals in plastics, cleaning supplies and personal care products you use every day, which build up in your system over time and have a similar libido-dampening effect.

Sex drive during pregnancy, the post-partum months, and menopause

Women go through major hormonal shifts several times throughout life. One of the most noticeable and expected hormone changes happens during pregnancy, and everyone responds differently. For some women, sex is the furthest thing from their minds during pregnancy. Other women can’t get enough.

After the baby comes, the mother’s biology undergoes a number of changes that cause her to pour her energy and focus into her baby. Hormones change, and the brain measurably changes in structure.[ref url=”http://psycnet.apa.org/buy/2010-20760-013″] In addition to focus on the baby and a drop in sexy chemicals, the simple fact that babies eat every few hours for the first few months is just plain tiring. That said, a study in The Journal of Sexual Medicine found that psychological factors, not physical ones, predict whether women regain their sex drive after childbirth. The biggest motivator: feeling connected to your partner.[ref url=”https://www.livescience.com/21306-truth-postpartum-sex.html”]

During menopause, follicle-stimulating hormone and luteinizing hormone no longer regulate your sex hormones. The natural drop in hormone production can decrease desire and sexual function (for example: vaginal dryness, etc.). Early on, you can solve bedroom snags with simple steps like introducing lubricant into foreplay. As menopause progresses, you might want to open up a conversation with your functional medicine doctor about natural ways to rev your engine.

Low sex drive and depression

The relationship between depression and sex drive is a total catch-22. On the one hand, people who suffer from depression experience sexual dysfunction more often than non-depressed individuals.[ref url=”https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/BF01541593 “] Depressed patients who seek treatment will often be prescribed antidepressants. Antidepressant medications, especially selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs), negatively affect sexual function in both men and women.

What to do? Here’s an article on causes of depression and science-backed ways to feel better without medication. If you’re on medication and wish to stop, do it under the guidance of your prescribing doctor.

Sex can help with depression itself. “Sex is very good for you. It’s good for the lungs, it’s good for the skin, it’s good for the bladder, it’s good for the muscles. And it’s a very good antidepressant, actually. Any kind of stimulation of the genitals drives up the dopamine system in the brain and can give you feelings of optimism, energy, focus, and motivation,” says sex, love and marriage researcher Helen Fisher, PhD.

Stress affects sex drive

One of the strongest libido killers is stress.

Stress has a profound effect on whether or not you want to get it on.[ref url=”https://link.springer.com/chapter/10.1007/978-1-4899-2064-5_29 “] One study showed that the stress of unemployment was tied to sexual dysfunction.[ref url=”http://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/00224499309551677 “] Another study pointed to anxiety, anger, depression, and guilt as detrimental to sex drive.[ref url=”http://psycnet.apa.org/record/1987-22551-001″]

From a survival perspective, it makes perfect sense. Your body’s stress response is the same if you’re being chased by a tiger or if you get verbally attacked by a customer. You’re not going to die from an argument, but your body springs into action like you’re fighting for your life.

If your stress response triggers over and over, your body shuts down your sexual desire until you’re feeling better. Reason being, sex leads to babies and babies born into a hostile environment have a lower chance of survival than do babies born into safety. Your body doesn’t always know when you’re safe and when you’re not — the increased heart rate, shallow breathing, the surge of adrenaline and cortisol — it’s the same either way.

Sleep and libido

Lack of sleep or poor sleep quality kills your sex drive in several ways. Your body makes a good portion of your sex hormones while you’re sleeping, so if you aren’t sleeping enough, you’re leaving unfinished processes hanging and you won’t have enough of the hormones you need.

More practically though, lack of sleep means, honey, you’re actually tired. You might actually have a headache. When you need sleep, your bed has one draw and one draw only.

If you need help in the sleep department, check out this article on how to hack your sleep.

Fix low sex drive with sex?

In some cases, you don’t desire sex because you’re not having enough of it.

At times, that means having sex when you don’t necessarily feel like it. In women especially, time to sexual arousal is a little slower,[ref url=”https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10508-009-9556-9,”] and women often need to be touched and stimulated before they feel any desire.

Now, that’s not the same thing as begrudgingly having sex when you genuinely don’t want to. If you’re tired, if you’re ill, if you’ve had a rough day and feel unable to shake it off, if you’re feeling disconnected from your partner, or if you’re otherwise distressed…that’s not the same thing as not wanting sex just because you’re not aroused.

Barring those things, if you’re awake, content, and simply not in the mood, consider just saying yes or even initiating sex to make arousal easier next time.

Dr. Fisher points to the biological system behind this idea. She says, “When you have sex, it does drive up the testosterone system and makes you want to have more sex. So the more sex you have, so the more eagerly you’ll want to have sex soon thereafter.”

Instead of writing it off right away, give your engines a chance to warm up, and then decide. You might surprise yourself. After a while, you might feel stronger desire and more effortless arousal.

Strengthen your emotional connection to boost sex drive

Sex is the bridge between the physical and the emotional, and a solid loving foundation keeps you hot for each other. In long-term relationships, you have to be intentional about it. Here are some things to keep in mind.

Get to know each other, over and over

Sometimes life just gets in the way, and your to-do list takes priority over fostering real connection with your partner. To counter feelings of disconnectedness, spend time every night talking — really talking — about feelings and ideas, not about what needs to be done around the house. Remember how inquisitive you were when you were just beginning to date? Get to know your partner on that level again.

Need help getting started? On your next date night, download the Gottman Card Decks app and take turns asking one another the open-ended questions.

Science says keep things fresh and new

Routine has its place — you need it for day-to-day efficiency. Certain things benefit from mixing it up on the regular, and staying connected with your partner is one of those times.

New experiences help your hypothalamus pump out the brain chemical dopamine, in anticipation of an awesome outcome.[ref url=”https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2006/08/060826180547.htm”] You might have heard that dopamine is the reward chemical, but it’s actually the brain chemical involved in getting you to that reward.

Dopamine, the brain chemical responsible for motivation and reinforcement, is responsible for making an animal do something over and over again. Because of its role in seeking behaviors, dopamine has a major effect on sex drive. The more dopamine surges around sex and your partner, the more you go after him or her.

So, how do you get a nice dopamine surge when you need it? Try new things with your partner. When you explore a new place or try a new activity with your partner, a hit of dopamine signals to your brain that this was a motivationally significant event. Then, what’s known as an adaptive memory is created with the motivation to seek repeating the scenario again.[ref url=”https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S1364661310001865 “] The more adaptive memories that include your partner, the more you’ll seek each other out.

New experiences don’t have to be extravagant exotic vacations. They don’t have to be lovey-dovey romance-centered date nights. While you should certainly throw vacations and date nights into the rotation, you’re more likely to consistently explore with your partner if you opt for cheap and accessible new experiences, like:

Trying a new hiking trail
Exploring a new park
Grabbing a tourism pamphlet for your own area and hitting a few spots you’ve never seen
Taking an art class together and creating something new
Sampling something you’ve never tried from a new restaurant
Doing something outside your comfort zone, or something that even scares you but carries no real danger

Feeling supported at home

Back in the day, men worked outside the home and women took on childcare and housework. As more women entered the workforce, men started picking up more of the cooking, cleaning, and parenting, but studies show that the bulk of the “third shift” still falls on the shoulders of women.[ref url=”https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s11199-010-9797-z “] Married mothers take on almost twice the housework and over three times the childcare as compared to married fathers.[ref url=”https://academic.oup.com/sf/article/91/1/55/2235879#34481745”]

Even when traditional male and female roles do not apply, it’s typical for one person to take on the majority of the “third shift.” When the imbalance is substantial, one person is likely to be legitimately too tired, or even resentful. Overwork and the fatigue and resentment that come with it will certainly quiet your bedroom.

If you’re hitting some communication blocks

If your relationship is on the rocks, it might manifest as trouble in the bedroom. Communication is the solution, which isn’t always easy. Relationship counseling might help guide the conversation toward a place of understanding.

Libido boosters

So, what can you do to help increase a low sex drive? Finding out what works for you involves a little trial and error. Here are some things to get you started:

Look into non-hormonal birth control methods. Once you’re off of hormonal birth control, you’ll see improvement rather quickly, but give your hormones time to stabilize.
Clean up your diet. If you’re eating food that feeds your cells and keeps your toxic load low, you have the best chance at optimal hormone function and lower chance of libido-killing conditions like depression. More info on that here.
See if you can slowly reduce your use of plastics and swap out your cleaning and personal care products with natural alternatives.
Minimize your stress. Start a meditation practice or explore supplementing with adaptogenic herbs.
Sleep! See how you can restructure your day to tack on an extra 30 minutes on either end, or work in an afternoon snooze. Or, if insomnia’s your problem, read this piece on how to fall asleep and stay asleep.
Look into natural ways to increase sex drive. Don’t go into the sex supplements world willy-nilly. There’s a lot of snake oil out there. Find a qualified functional medicine doctor to help you identify your exact issues and find what will work for you.
Communicate. If you need to lighten your housework load or if you have unresolved issues with your partner, open up the conversation.
Prioritize intimacy with your partner. Intimacy doesn’t have to mean sex. Do the things that make you feel closer as a couple. Making a regular practice of date nights, cuddling, and meaningful conversations goes a long way to strengthening your relationship.
Maca root increases production of male hormones without making you grow chest hair. For women, it can be just enough of a boost to get you going.
Start before you’re feeling frisky. Sometimes, just showing up is enough to get you going.

Even if you’re in a slump now, you can enjoy a long, fulfilling sex life even as you age. Try a few of these small changes. You’ll be surprised at the difference, and how quickly your body responds.

Get a Grip on Your Blood Pressure – Zona Health #601

June 18, 2019 by Dave Asprey

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